You know what? I’ve been avoiding mentioning “goals”, “resolutions”, “targets” etc. since the start of the year, because they don’t relate to only the start of theyear. And anyway, the “start of the year” is just a question of how you count time in days, months and years. Throughout history people have altered the way we count time. Even this year we had a “leap second” at New Year, in order to keep our clocks in line with the orbit of the earth. It’s not an exact science and every now and then we need to make adjustments. So - just because New Year currently falls between months called December and January - it’s just the current state of affairs. It might change again. Who knows?

 

Standard New Year has never meant a lot to me in terms of looking back and looking forward. I can do that any day I choose. When I was a kid, I used to love hearing the foghorns from the boats in Dublin Bay, sounding to each other to ring in the new year, but that was the most special thing about that particular midnight. When I was older I used to enjoy going to a party that a friend held every new year’s eve in his family home. This party was such a tradition for so many people that - years after my friend had moved out of the family home into his own place - people would still turn up at his parents house for the party. It took quite a few years for the message to spread to all that the party was not on anymore.

 

Now I love to spend new year with my family, just being at home, appreciating everything I have - the love of my family, the joy of our being together and the warmth and peace of spending time with them. I require nothing more than that on a New Year’s Eve. It completes my year, and gives me hope for the great unknown that is the future.

 

Cheers!

 

I’m sitting waiting for the web designer to phone so that we can finalise the look and feel of my new website and blog. Soon I will be blogging for real, and not just for myself. It’s a bit daunting. After all - someone might read it - and learn something about me that I didn’t realise I had displayed. A friend of mine already reads my newsletters and says that, for her, she finds out more about me by my writing than she does about the articles in the newsletter. Hmmm. So this could just be a public humiliation exercise? Well, I won’t know till I try.

 

I haven’t told you before, but I joined Toastmasters in September. I really needed to get over my anxiety about speaking in front of a group. I’m fine on the old one-to-one, but I’ve a certain fear of standing up in front of people, being watched, and trying to put words together that sound better than “Hi, I thting’d jdfioej difj enkerjiem mmmmmmmmm.” Bet you didn’t know I knew that language??

 

I’ve already done Poetmaster once, and am doing it again tonight. I’ve chosen a poem by David Whyte called “Everything is Waiting for You”. You can hear David talking about this poem and reciting it here

 

 

Don’t mind about the images, it’s the words and the sound of David Whyte’s voice, reading his own work, that is compelling.

 

Enjoy.

 

Well, so far I have displayed my self-doubt and stuggling-perfectionist issues for all the world to see. I have passed on gems of wisdom I have picked up from my own coach. And all that by 15th January!

 

Today I’m going to share with you that most precious gift of humanity - laughter. I don’t know if you guys know Eddie Izzard the comedian? But this is a sketch he does about the canteen on the Death Star (if you’re not a Star Wars fan - you’re already lost).

 

 

 

 

Have a laugh. And if you want to see how some clever kid made a Lego film to go with the dialogue of this, have a look at this

 

 

 

 

Enjoy your day!

 

Aaaaagggghhhh! And so the nightmare of year-beginning starts. I began a programme of coaching for myself last year. It’s like a lot of professions, if you’re giving help to others - you have to be getting help yourself. Also, in December I did a five day course to update my own coaching skills. So now, at the start of a new year, I am up to my proverbials in reading lists, blog entries, newsletters for the new website (which will go live soon, I promise), new website etc.

 

All this at a time of year when I do most of my self-questioning. You can see the problem straight away, can’t you? Eternally self-defeating. And then I can add to that the feeling that if I can’t coach myself to perfection, how can I help anyone else?

 

Now THERE is the crux of the problem. Perfectionism. I have borrowed a wonderful phrase from one of the Jack Canfield coaches I spoke to - “I’m Daria, and I’m a recovering perfectionist”. I love it, because perfectionism is something that is so ingrained that you really do have to tackle it on a day-by-day, minute-by-minute basis. Perfectionism is the worst kind of “ism” because there is no end to it. It pervades every aspect of your life. Nothing is ever “perfect” and especially not yourself. And what is the outcome of all that striving? Just that - more striving. They say that you get what you focus on, and perfectionists don’t focus on perfection (you see how twisted this is?) they focus on Imperfection. They (and by “they” of course I mean “we” or “I”) focus on how we aim for perfection, but miss. So we are focusing on the “missing” instead of the excellent work we have done, the excellent result we have already achieved.

 

No matter how big a pain in the face we are to you (the rest of the world) we are an even bigger pain in the face to ourselves. So have a little pity, and a boot ready to kick us up the backside when we need to get outside of our own attempts at perfection, and back into the real world where everyone is always doing the best they can.

 

So the best thing I can do for myself (and perhaps help you) is to share with you something my own coach sent me last year (thanks Sheri):

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s to the journey - for 2009!

 

I have just read an article suggesting that a good way to “see ourselves as others see us” is to write about ourselves in the third person. At first I thought …”hmm schizo” but the author went on to explain that writing about ourselves in the third person takes away that little self-censor that leaps in as soon as we say things to ourselves such as “I think” or “I believe” or “I feel that …” Our little self-censor jumps in to object and add its own little criticism or correction. So - if we speak of ourselves as the third party - that sort of side-steps that self-censoring action.

 

I’ve decided to give it a try. After all, at the beginning of a new year, what better way to assess the situation than by taking a clear look at who I am.

 

How would Daria go about helping herself? Get out of her own way.

 

How would she do that? If she could be convinced that - as she is - without any judgement, validation, questioning at all - she is enough. It is enough. After that everything else is a bonus.

 

But she is afraid to stop in case that means she is lazy. She is afraid to do too much in case too much is then expected of her. She is afraid of doing too little in case it draws attention to herself. At one and the same time she longs for and dreads acceptance and attention in equal measure. She is afraid of the talents that she has (and they are many), afraid to use them in case they don’t measure up; afraid not to use them because that’s a sin. You can see a lot of her life is based in fear. And so - she is paralysed. Whatever she does it is wrong.

 

What if she could believe that - whatever she does it is right?