Let me ask you this?  Do you have a little self-critic living inside your head?  A little voice that, as soon as you have a great new idea, it goes “Who do you think you are, with your great big ideas?”  or maybe “It’ll never work, just like that time you …”  or even “There’s no point, you’re just no good at that” ?  What do you suppose that is?  Yep.  It’s a little voice doing affirmations.  BUT it’s doing negative affirmations!

 

We all have them, a little inner voice that criticises us when we try anything new, or want a promotion, or want to write a book, or stand up and make ourselves heard.  So - if you don’t believe affirmations work - have you noticed how well the negative affirmations DO work?  Do you ignore the voice?  (Rarely)  Laugh at it? (I wish I could)  Do you not have an inner voice?  (What???)  If you don’t, then please write a book about it, because you are one in a million!

 

For me, affirmations (the positive ones we read about and try out sometimes) are just an attempt to level the playing field.  If I’ve been programming myself with negative affirmations for years, it’s only right to start bombarding myself with positive ones to even up the balance.  I have years of negativity to combat and conquer.  This is not a moan, or an accusation or an “Ain’t it awful” .  This is just a fact.  I have been accumulating a huge recording of negative messages for years.  I have also gathered positive ones, but the negative ones (for most of us) win out.

 

Now the worm has turned.  The little guy (me) is fighting back.  The meek are inheriting the earth.  And positive affirmations are a fantastic tool in the arsenal of any self-improvement fan.  I don’t always find it easy to formulate a “good” affirmation.  The best format (according to various experts in the field) is that:

 

I only use the weight issue as an example, it’s quite a common source of affirmations.  You can use the same format for any personal development affirmations you want to devise for yourself.

 

I love hearing from readers when they try any of the self-improvement suggestions from this blog.  Comment here or contact me at daria@lifepotential.ie .

 

 

Here’s a start:

I think you get the idea.  Maybe none of these is your particular favourite, but I know there are easy, inexpensive treats we can all avail of, if we put our minds to it.  One of mine is playing “Risk” with the family (it’s a board game based on world domination!) great for unleashing hidden megalomaniac in all of us!

 

When you have your list made, start putting them into practice, and have fun!

 

Let me know what you’re favourites are.  I’ll put some in next month’s newsletter.

 

 

In Ireland we have a rather suspicious approach to needing help.  Giving help - we’re great at that.  But getting help - that’s not so easy to ask for.  I think it’s something to do with the notion that, if we need to get help, first of all something must be wrong and secondly it means we have failed to cope with it ourselves.  Maybe it’s an insular thing?  Maybe to do with island people having to cope on their own?  I don’t know.

 

I have been helping myself and others to improve our lives for as many years as I can remember.  It manifested itself in my twenties when I trained to be a yoga teacher, and continued through training over the years in massage, aromatherapy, Reiki, coaching and NLP to where I am today.

 

Did self-development start when I was in my twenties?  No, but perhaps that was when I noticed that I could be active, rather than passive, about my development.  For most of my twenties I suffered appalling panic-attacks.  I would have the tight-chested pain, dizziness, sweating, clammy skin, racing heart and be convinced that at any moment I would die.  For eight or nine years I suffered this to varying degrees, always thinking that it was just me and that there was no one who could help me.  I developed many coping strategies, which I suppose was “enforced” self-development (sounds a bit paradoxical).

 

When other things in my life at the time caused me to seek help, I was amazed at how the simple act of getting help was more powerful than I could have imagined.

 

Self development is called such simply because no one else can “do” our self development.  But there are many people who can help us to do it for ourselves.

 

Since that time, I have regularly sought help in areas where I felt I needed outside expertise to make progress in my life and development.  Sometimes it was a psychotherapist, other times a hypnotherapist or Reiki practitioner.  But always I found that getting outside help gave me some new options, which I could not see for myself.

 

So, I feel that, whether or not “Self Development” is seen as the new “must have” or not, it doesn’t matter.  We are all constantly developing ourselves, our attitudes, our beliefs, our behaviours, our personalities and our potential.  We do it whether we plan it or not, whether we are aware of it or not and whether we like it or not.  So why not make it a bit easier for ourselves.  When we need help, why not seek it out and make the most of it, so that we can make the most of our lives?

 

I’m finally sitting down to write the review of Owen Fitzpatrick’s book “Not Enough Hours”.  The subheading is “The secrets of making every second count!”  The foreward is by Dr. Richard Bandler, one of the founders of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).  This is a book about time management.  You have to understand that my version of time management is to put off all the things I don’t like doing, until the very last minute, then panic and do them all in a hurry.  Now this has its advantages for me.  Firstly, I get all that free time to do things I like to do.  Secondly, I seem to operate better when I have left myself less time to do something e.g. write a book review!

 

All these weird and wonderful versions of people and time management styles are captured in Owen’s book.  I love the fact that the book does not tell you all the things you HAVE to do to be a great time manager.  It starts off by giving loads of information from science and history about why we are the way we are.  I love lots of background information, simply presented.  I also like the cartoon like drawings.  I’m a very visual person.

 

That struck me as I read, in fact.  This book appeals to everyone.  If you want background information - it’s got it.  If you like scientific fact - it’s got it.  If you like funny anecdotes - it’s got it.  And if you’re someone that just wants to know what to do to be a great time-manager - you just skip to that part of the book and do exactly what it says.

 

Even if you’re already a great time manager and want some quick and easy tips & tools to try out for your further self-development, just flip straight to the back of the book for pages and pages of suggestions on how to make your time management even more streamlined.

 

Don’t worry when you start to read the different personality types if you begin to feel that you are, in fact, ALL of the types mentioned.  I did.  Well, ok, not the Workaholic!  But I certainly recognised elements of myself in the Perfectionist, the Hesitator, the Hurrier and the Busy Bee.

 

It’s nice to read that Owen knows what it’s like to struggle to develop time management skills.  He understands how easily I can sit down to write my blog, then I research something, find a really interesting article I want to read, which leads to a great website on NLP where there’s a video I really must watch, followed by a link to …

 

You know what this is like (the book calls it “Time Crime 1: Distractions & Interruptions”).  You really did mean to do just one bit of research.  And Owen understands this.  He doesn’t wag his finger and frown because you’re not a good manager of time.  He has helpful suggestions for all types of people and all levels of time manager.  I find there’s nothing worse than a self-help book that criticises me for being the way I am and sighs deeply at me when I don’t make instant and extraordinary progress in my self-development.

 

“Not Enough Hours” will leave you feeling that someone understands you and the difficulties you have managing your time.  You will find real guidelines, helpful tips and genuine support for your efforts and determination to improve.  It’s full of useful information that you can go back to again and again.

 

As Owen says early on in the book:

 

 

It’s not rocket science.  The book is full of common sense.  I began reading it with a highlighter pen at the ready in order to mark the really useful passages.  After a few bright orange pages I accepted that the book is crammed with useful stuff, so there is very little that doesn’t need highlighting.

 

After all that praise, have I any suggestions for improvement?  It’s for the publishers really.  I think a spiral bound, hard backed version of the book (in a better quality paper) would make a superb desk-top book.  Another suggestion?  Why not have a desk-diary to accompany it, giving little time-management tips on each page e.g. on Mondays it could have “Make your weekly to-do list”, or last thing on the day could be “Tick off all completed tasks and move incompletes to tomorrow”.  Oh, and if that idea catches on - I want commission!

 

 

And then there’s the ordinary guy in the street, John Doe, Joe Public or - here in Ireland - Sean Citizen.  I love you and hate you - all Johns, Joes and Seans.  I love you because you come right out and ask “What the hell is that when it’s at home?”.  I hate you for that very same reason.  How on earth do I explain NLP?

 

First of all it stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.  When I heard that first I thought “Ya wha’ Gay?” and I have to say it still causes me to stop and rack my brains.  Richard Bandler, one of the co-creators (with John Grinder) of NLP, defines it in a recent book as:

 

“NLP is an attitude, methodology and technology that teaches people how to improve the quality of their lives.  It is an educational tool that teaches people how to communicate more effectively with themselves and others.  It is designed to help people have personal freedom in the way they think, feel and behave.”

 

For me the most informative part of that explanation of NLP is “teaches people how to communicate more effectively with themselves” because that’s how change comes about in our own lives.  Someone else telling you to give up smoking, get over your fears, pull yourself together and make the changes - is NEVER going to work.  But if we can get inside our own thinking and find out how to communicate with ourselves how much we WANT to give up smoking, or how there has been a perfectly good reason for having fear in the past but now we want a new way of believing and thinking - imagine how much we could improve our lives every day!

 

That’s what I love about NLP.  It’s about story telling.  It’s about the stories we tell others about ourselves, and more importantly, it’s about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

 

I think it’s telling that Bandler and Grinder called it Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) because their own background was in technology and linguistics.  But as a term, it doesn’t explain itself to the ordinary punter very well.

 

As I said earlier, for me NLP is about stories.  We hear, create and learn stories and patterns of behaviour from the moment we’re born.  We hear that we are “the cutest baby”, “just like your Daddy” etc. all harmless enough.  When we’re older we learn “if you don’t eat up all your dinner you won’t grow up big and strong” which in our own mind can translate into food being a contentious issue.  We learn “don’t talk to strangers” which can translate into a lack of trust in people and a difficulty in making new friendships.

 

I’m not trying to sound like everything we hear is bad, but we hear a “story” then we tell ourselves a “story” and pretty soon we have formed a pattern around it, and forget the original story.  Our personality development is filled with patterns we adopt based on the stories we’re believing.

 

I used to have a fear of dogs.  Now that may have stemmed from an incident with a dog when I was tiny, or it might have been an imagined drama that I created in my own mind.  I don’t remember.  But for the rest of my life I was left with a fear of dogs, that - at its worst - meant that I wouldn’t go outside the door on my own and couldn’t even enjoy a walk.

 

I went to a therapist to help that.  Turns out it’s not stemming from a fear of dogs, but a fear of being alone.  But that’s another story!

 

The great thing is we can decide or choose - at any time - to believe a different story!  This is the genuine magic of Neuro Linguistic Programming.  When an NLP practitioner listens to us telling our stories, they can see what language we use to tell ourselves stories.  They can then speak our language back to us and help us to choose a more useful story for our lives.

 

In one line - what’s the best thing about NLP?  NLP is about finding and choosing the most useful beliefs, stories and patterns to live the life we want for ourselves.  Apologies to Richard Bandler, John Grinder and my tutors Owen Fitzpatrick and Brian Colbert if I’ve just negated all your years of training me!

 

To get NLP straight from the horse’s mouth, check out www.nlp.ie and www.richardbandler.com .