This is my first blog entry from my new netbook. I know the tech-savvy among you are shaking your heads and probably thinking I’m sad to be so excited, but hey - get over it. I’m a kid with a new toy. I’m allowed to be excited! It’s so neat! It’s so tiny. I can take it everywhere I go!
The portability of this new computer makes me think of all the ways we limit our self development to a particular time and place. It’s easy to forget that we take ourselves wherever we go!!
Years ago, I did weekly yoga classes, but from one week to the next I did nothing. I simply limited my development in that area to one class once a week. It was as if Wednesday was Self-Development Day! As time went by I realised that, without even doing the yoga poses, I was becoming more aware of my posture, my thoughts, my diet - in fact all the things I was learning weekly at my class. This was happening all the time, not just on Wednesdays!
It seems naive now, but I never really thought about it at all. I just had in mind that yoga class was Wednesday, and didn’t pay attention to how pervasive our thoughts and learning are. Once we hear something, learn something, decide something - we’ve already made a slight change to our way of thinking.
Since that time, I accept that the learning never stops. And the implementing what I’ve learned never stops. That’s a good thing. If I’m always choosing self development books, seminars and classes - and if I’m regularly in the company of people for whom developing their full potential is important, then there will always be something self-improving going on in my head and in my life. What a boost!
So today - be aware of all the positive, self development elements that come your way. It may be a person you meet, an article you read (might even be this one!), a Tweet you receive, en e-mail, a blog, etc. Maybe in your own house, maybe at the railway station, someone you meet on the bus, at the cafe etc. And it’s just as important to remember that you are also that development contact for everyone you meet today. What you are giving out is being received by everyone who comes into contact with you today. It’s the ultimate give-and-take. Go Give! Go Take! Perfect balance.
I am really interested in self development, as you know, and love to read up on development tools and techniques all the time. When I can, I like to attend talks given by leaders in the field of personal development. I was at a seminar years ago, given by Hale Dwoskin (The Sedona Method), here in Ireland. There was one moment I remember very clearly, like a moment of revelation. You may know the Sedona method and the way of asking yourself the three questions:
“Could I let go of this feeling?”
“Would I let go of this feeling?”
and
“When?”
When I heard him say them first, I thought they were simplistic to the point of idiocy. How wrong I was! Hale started by asking us to bring to mind a way of feeling or reacting that we had, that was unpleasant and harmful to ourselves. Something we felt we had no control over e.g. feeling really angry about something that had happened in the past, or someone who pushed our buttons and made us feel mad every time we met them.
I thought of a particular piece of “baggage” I was carrying from my past. I felt powerless to dump it, it seemed to have come from my past and I was busy dragging it into my future too.
First question: “Could I let go of this feeling?” I asked myself. Well, of course I could. You don’t think I want this bad feeling, do you? I’d get rid of it at the drop of a hat.
Second question: “Would I let go of this feeling?” Was I willing to let this feeling go? Yes! Just show me how and it’ll be gone, I promise you. Yes, I would definitely let go of this if I could.
Third question: “When?” Interesting here. When I asked myself this question, the immediate response I got, deep in my mind, before I even formed the thought - was - “As soon as I have something else to put in its place.”
That really got me thinking. Somehow, even though I felt that I could and would get rid of this unwanted baggage, there was also a part of me so used to it that I wouldn’t give it up - unless I had something to replace it with.
I looked at this in various ways. One thing I could do would be to replace it immediately with a good feeling, or positive thought. Then, whenever I was going to feel the old baggage feeling, I could instead feel the good feeling. I thought about how I could motivate myself to do this any time I had an unwanted negative feeling. Then I wondered why I had to replace it at all. Why could I not just get rid of it, let it go?
And you know, the interesting thing then was that, it seemed that once I had acknowledged it happening at all, I didn’t make the old link any more. D’you know what I mean? It was like I couldn’t run that old programme anymore. I had been found out - by me! So, for that particular thought/feeling pattern, the link was broken.
I don’t always remember to use the Sedona method any time I have a negative pattern to break, but it has proved very useful and effective to me in the past.
Just thought I’d share that with you. Hope it helps you too.
I’m always looking for the easiest way to do anything. If you tell me there is a long-drawn out process or an easy three step approach to doing something, or achieving a particular result - which one appeals to me? That’s right! I’m always going to take the 3-step approach! I don’t think I’m alone in this? I like to think it’s human nature. Perhaps it’s only my nature!
I know there are many of you that feel the same. This is for you. It’s not rocket-science. It’s not limited to those of us involved in life coaching. It’s for everyone. There is nothing difficult or complicated about these steps. But the simplicity is in the doing!
Step 1: Be very clear on what, exactly, you want to achieve. That sounds like the simplest thing - and it is - but it’s the one that a lot of us overlook in our drive and enthusiasm to get the thing done, or the goal achieved. You need to be as specific as you can possibly be about your goal. For example, you might say “I want to lose weight“. That’s a goal - yes it is. But if you say “I’m going to weigh xxx lbs by 30th November 2009“, then you are setting up the expectation in your own mind and that will be what you’re subconscious will work away on for the weeks in between. It doesn’t mean that all you have to do is set the goal and do no work! It just means that the closer the focus, the easier it is to reach. Think of it like getting directions to somewhere. You stop on the road and ask someone “How do I get to ...?” Now, is it more useful for them to say “It’s about 10 miles away in that direction” or to say “Follow the road here for 8 miles, take a left at the bus station, continue for about 2 miles, past the garage, then it’s the second turn on the right - and there you are“??? I know which directions I’d find more useful!
Step 2: Take action. Another obvious one. But I can tell you from my own experience that it’s often a lot easier to do all the planning and research than it is to take the action. But very little will happen without the action. It would be like (as in step 1) setting the goal for yourself, but never taking any action about it. If you think, or even plan, to - for example - lose weight, nothing is going to happen if you sit around, eating biscuits and drinking lattes while you PLAN to achieve the weight loss. It won’t happen till you DO SOMETHING about it.
Step 3: Acknowledge your success. Congratulate yourself every little step of the way. Give yourself all the praise and validation you deserve for every little part of your goal that you achieve. Don’t wait until you reach the big, final goal. It’s too easy to give up before that if you feel disheartened. But if you keep feeling good about all the little triumphs along the way, it will keep you motivated to finish what you started.
That’s it! Three simple steps to achieving your goals. Give it a go. You’ve got nothing to lose (except a few lbs!!).
What a fantastic day it is here in Dublin today! The sun is shining. It’s a beautiful autumn day. Makes me feel great.
When the sun is shining, like it is now, it’s so much easier to feel cheerful and positive. Has anything changed? Has the recession gone away? Have the people in charge suddenly started taking responsibility for themselves and the importance of the jobs they hold? No. It’s just that the good weather puts me in better humour.
How often do you say that the weather makes you feel good, or bad (if it rains)? How many times do you say someone, or something, made you feel a certain way? In relation to the weather, I do it all the time. At this time of year, when the days get shorter, I feel more melancholy and have to remind myself to change my mood, since I can’t change the time of year or the weather.
We even extend our power give-away to people:- “He made me really angry”. “She made me do it”. We give other people the chance to affect our mood. What a waste! What a loss for us.
One of the greatest powers we have is our ability to change our mood or our state. We can decide to remain upbeat when we meet a group of friends who do the whole moan-a-minute routine. We can choose to be positive about our health rather than assume, at the first sniffle, that we’ve got swine flu’. We can even choose not to respond angrily to someone who does something we don’t like.
We might like to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they are acting like that because of some sadness or upset in their lives. We could see it as feedback rather than criticism. We could even use it as a tool to encourage ourselves not to be like that.
But it is always a choice. We often rush into a comment, or a response that afterwards we might realise was less-than-useful. A pause for a quick assessment of the situation can often help us to put that little bit of distance between ourselves and the situation, give ourselves a moment’s breathing space. Time to choose a better option. Or - as I read in one of the personal development books I have - “think a better-feeling thought“.
So get out there and practise thinking a better-feeling thought. Your choice. Your response. You choose the outcome.
Pick one thing - just one thing - that you really admire about someone. Have you got someone in mind? I have. I love the peace and serenity of the Dalai Lama’s smile. No matter what happens in his life (and let’s face it - he’s had a lot!) he always manages a serene smile. I admire that.
When you’ve decided on one trait you admire, try copying it for yourself for the next few weeks. You may love someone else’s ability to be on time for appointments, a friend’s dedication to keeping in touch, you might love when someone sends you a letter or card. Now you do it. See how it feels to be doing the thing you admire. Remember, then YOU deserve admiration too!
So - anyone who knows me - you can look out for my peaceful, serene smile over the next few weeks! Have fun out there.
