… any road will get you there.  This is a quotation often attributed to Lewis Carroll - mistakenly.  But it sounds good. 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you ever look in the mirror?  Not to fix your make-up, or to check how gorgeous you still are.  But do you ever look yourself in the eye in order to know yourself better, the way you would look into the eyes of someone you were trying to know better?

 

It can be difficult for us to look at ourselves beyond the superficial, hair and make-up level.  We are used to checking our appearance first of all when we look at ourselves.  We rarely look long enough to make a connection.

 

When you meet someone new, if you want to get to know them better, what do you do?  Look at the floor when they speak to you?  Look up at the sky in the hope of finding a divine answer?  No.  You look into their eyes while they speak.  You attend to what they are saying.  You watch their eyes for the truth in what they are saying.  You look for the confirmation of the words they are saying.

 

We all know when someone lies to us.  As children we were used to the impossibility of telling a lie when someone was looking us straight in the eye.  And how do we demonstrate early signs of falling in love with someone?  We love to spend time looking deeply into their eyes.

 

So why not do it for ourselves?  Probably for both the reasons above.

 

Firstly, if we look ourselves in the eyes and say “I love and accept you” - we will immediately know if we are telling the truth or not.  If we are finding it difficult to say this to ourselves, why?  What are the feelings that come up for you if you say “I love and accept you” to yourself in the mirror?  Do you hear a critical parent or friend telling you you’re not worth it?  Maybe you feel that you are not perfect enough to be loved?  It could be that, in place of judgemental others, you have come to be your own harshest critic.

 

Secondly, looking deeply into our own eyes would mean taking on that critic, or judge or negative voice that we have inside us.  It would mean learning to, or being willing to love and accept ourselves.  That is often very difficult to do.  If we have a (so-far) lifetime of being a certain way (e.g. judged or criticised) it can be scary to change that way of being.  We’re used to it.

 

What would it be like to fall in love with yourself?  How would it be to have that warm, deeply contented glow inside?  And know that we are the reason for it ourselves?  How wonderful would that be?

 

 

Let me ask you this?  Do you have a little self-critic living inside your head?  A little voice that, as soon as you have a great new idea, it goes “Who do you think you are, with your great big ideas?”  or maybe “It’ll never work, just like that time you …”  or even “There’s no point, you’re just no good at that” ?  What do you suppose that is?  Yep.  It’s a little voice doing affirmations.  BUT it’s doing negative affirmations!

 

We all have them, a little inner voice that criticises us when we try anything new, or want a promotion, or want to write a book, or stand up and make ourselves heard.  So - if you don’t believe affirmations work - have you noticed how well the negative affirmations DO work?  Do you ignore the voice?  (Rarely)  Laugh at it? (I wish I could)  Do you not have an inner voice?  (What???)  If you don’t, then please write a book about it, because you are one in a million!

 

For me, affirmations (the positive ones we read about and try out sometimes) are just an attempt to level the playing field.  If I’ve been programming myself with negative affirmations for years, it’s only right to start bombarding myself with positive ones to even up the balance.  I have years of negativity to combat and conquer.  This is not a moan, or an accusation or an “Ain’t it awful” .  This is just a fact.  I have been accumulating a huge recording of negative messages for years.  I have also gathered positive ones, but the negative ones (for most of us) win out.

 

Now the worm has turned.  The little guy (me) is fighting back.  The meek are inheriting the earth.  And positive affirmations are a fantastic tool in the arsenal of any self-improvement fan.  I don’t always find it easy to formulate a “good” affirmation.  The best format (according to various experts in the field) is that:

 

I only use the weight issue as an example, it’s quite a common source of affirmations.  You can use the same format for any personal development affirmations you want to devise for yourself.

 

I love hearing from readers when they try any of the self-improvement suggestions from this blog.  Comment here or contact me at daria@lifepotential.ie .

 

 

My suggestion this month (and don’t worry about the calendar, I know the month is at its end) is to pause.  People are quite rightly concerned about their futures now that it appears uncertain, but just pause - take a breath.  You still have control over how you react to every new thing, or piece of news, or dramatic event, that comes your way.  Sometimes it may be the only control you have, but it’s the most important.

 

Remember when you were a kid and you were taught to chant, if anyone called you names, “Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”.  There was a very good reason for that.  The names you are called, or the things that happen to you, are not as important as your reaction to them.

 

So this month, remember to - pause - breathe - take control - and now you get to choose how to respond.