When I first set myself the task of reading Richard Bandler’s book “Guide to Trance-formation†I allowed myself a week to read it. Big mistake. This book is full of information, comment, case history and exercises in personal development. I mean FULL!
So I re-timetabled, and I’ve been reading for weeks. Now - maybe it’s a mistake to try to be doing the exercises as I go, but I would feel only half-hearted in my review if I hadn’t made an attempt to do at least some of the exercises too.
The thrust of the book is the power of hypnosis, both of ourselves and others, to help create change for the better. Before you say you don’t like hypnosis, or you don’t trust it, or you once saw a show where the guy made people squawk like a chicken - don’t kid yourself - you’re being hypnotised all the time. Don’t look around to see who’s doing it. Look in the mirror.
We are hypnotising ourselves and others all the time, with our repeating patterns of words, actions and beliefs. In effect we “programme†ourselves. As Bandler says “We are the only machine that can program itself. We can set deliberately designed, automated programs that work by themselves to take care of boring, mundane tasks, thus freeing up our minds to do other, more interesting and creative, things.â€
“Guide to Trance-formation†is both a textbook and a workbook for self development. The first section of the book “Patterns of Process and Elicitation†deals with how to discover the way in which we (and others) map our world, i.e. how we represent the world to ourselves through our senses. This is how we have set up all the programmes we run in our lives, the ones that work and - just as importantly - the ones that don’t. Bandler‘s book is seasoned with references to Milton Erickson, Gregory Bateson, Fritz Perls, Virginia Satir - all renowned therapists with whom Bandler worked to discover how they achieved the successful results they did.
In Bandler’s opinion there are three steps to “making enduring change: (i) People must become so sick of having the problem that they decide they really want to change (ii) They have to somehow see their problem from a new perspective or in a new light (iii) New and appealing options must be found or created, and pursued.â€
The text will be equally intriguing for those who have studied Bandler previously and those who are new to him. It sparked my curiosity, so that I felt like finding out more and reading books Bandler referenced in “Guide to Trance-formationâ€. Even though I have no formal training in hypnosis, the exercises are simple and straightforward and I found myself wondering whether it was possible to be hypnotised just by reading it! I’m guessing Yes, since we are often influenced by what we read, so why not in this instance?
The exercises in this (first) sectionof the book are:
· Changing Feelings by Dissociation
· Identifying Your Sensory Preferences
· 2 exercises each on the Meta Model and the Milton Model
· Stealing a Skill
· The Visual Squash
· Foolproof Planning
· The NLP Spelling Strategy
· Getting Things Done
· 2 exercises in Submodality Change
· Swish Pattern
· Belief-Change Pattern
The second section of the book “Patterns of Induction†is about developing and improving the skills of hypnosis. It gives examples, stories and exercises on how to use language very specifically, how to use the voice - tone, depth, rhythm etc. , stories-within-stories and other skills to induce an altered state in the subject (yourself or someone else), a state in which you (or they) are more open to change. In Bandler’s words “Whenever you are communicating with other people, be aware that words are power, and the way in which you use words has to be as precise as the results you desire.â€
The exercises in the second section are very specific to inducing, deepening and maintaining trances or altered states.
· Using signs of developing trance
· Creating Inductions
· Toning Inflection
· Using Truisms to Induce Hypnosis
· Overlapping to Increase Skills
· Overlapping to Induce Trance
· Previous Trance Induction
· The Handshake Interrupt
· Stacking Realities
· Nested Loops
· Hot Button/Cool Button
· Advanced Synesthesia Change Pattern
In section three “Patterns of Utilization†covers the uses of the skills learned in the book, to create a better way of thinking and being in our lives, in short - to make us feel better. According to Bandler “you just need to know how to get good feelings to replace the old ones - or, even better, to drop them in to what happens just before you feel bad, so you start to go down a new pathway.†The chapters of this section deal with creating a better reaction now, to events that caused us trauma in the past. If we are still suffering from issues in our past, it is not because the problem keeps happening, but because we have formed a response to it that keeps us stuck in that negativity. Using the exercises in this section can help us change the way we feel about past traumas, overcome our phobias, stop blocking ourselves and start taking positive action.
Exercises in section three:
· How Much Pleasure Can You Stand?
· Fast Phobia Cure
· Putting a New Spin on the Past
· Overcoming Hesitation
· Going over Threshold
· Installing Positive Memories
Section four is a set of transcripts of client sessions with Richard Bandler. The text of the session is printed on the left hand side of the page and the analysis of the language patterns is printed on the right. I found it too confusing to try to read both together on my first reading of this format. So I read through the transcript of just the dialogue, as it would have flowed in speech. I found it was worth reading the script through first, before reading the analysis, partly to see what patterns I could identify myself and partly to let the script flow as it would have done in the live session.
Overall I found the book a very useful combination of textbook and workbook. It is something worth reading once for interest, a second time to try out any/all of the exercises and, after that, any time you want to reference Bandler’s work on trances, their analysis, uses and effects.
Have you ever considered laughter as a means of self development? It’s not what springs to mind. The first things I think of are meditation, affirmation, reflection, journaling etc. But what about this - there was a professor on the radio recently, being interviewed on the health benefits of laughter - a really, good, long, loud belly laugh. It got me thinking about how I feel after a good laugh. Even if I’m in a negative mood when I start laughing, it’s just impossible to stay negative while laughing heartily.
I find I happen to agree with the professor wholeheartedly. I believe that, no matter what our situation, our mood or our level of self development, a good laugh is going to anchor us in the here and now better than any amount of meditating or chanting could do. It is immediate, it is urgent and it causes an instant release of tension in the body.
So, apart from the self development work you are already benefiting from, I hope that, having watched the clip above, you are also laughing so much you can hardly read this now!
If you’re anything like me, you have floor to ceiling bookcases filled with self development books, CDs and DVDs. You’re actively seeking out more information to help you with your growth and self development. Are you ever satisfied? Unlikely.
Choose your favourite self help, life coaching or self development book. You’ve probably read it many times and it’s looking well-thumbed by now.
Decide what in that book was the most useful thing you’ve ever read. Think about it. There will have been a page you were reading that just made perfect sense to you, and you probably thought - “That’s for me. I can do that. That will transform my life - if I can do it”.
Read it again. I know you’re raising your eyes to the skies and thinking - “I don’t really need to read it again. That might apply to everyone else, but not me. I know Jack Canfield, Richard Bandler, Hale Dwoskin, Owen Fitzpatrick etc. (insert your own favourite guru here!) by heart.” I’m telling you - read it again NOW!
Ask yourself what is it that appeals to you about that particular passage/page/chapter? What pictures does it bring to mind? Are you reading about Paul McKenna making you rich? Or Ekhart Tolle helping you to live “in the now”? Do you see yourself driving your dream car home to that magnificent home with the seven bathrooms? Or is it that you can feel the sea breeze blowing on your face as you stand in the prow of your beautiful yacht as you sail the Caribbean?
Envision yourself living as the book suggests. Mentally create as lifelike a picture as you can. It’s important to make the image of your dreams into the image of your reality by creating as clear a vision as you can. Give it all the details - sights, sounds, smells - the whole lot. The more you can see what you will see, hear what you will hear, feel what it will feel like, the better your mindset will be for beginning.
And finally, which is the heart of the matter, Take Action! Based on your life-like and life-size vision of your future, begin to work on whichever self development programme you have chosen. At every step of the way, stop and reinforce that vision you have created in your mind and use it to strengthen your determination and inspiration to complete the work you set yourself.
A time of great change. But it could also be an opportunity for self development.
Schools are back. Children are preparing for the academic year ahead. Colleges are cranking up in preparation for the new college semester. Everything is in a state of change.
It’s a time of schedules, timetables, books, uniforms and new shoes. It is often a time of anxiety. It can be difficult to adjust to the changes in our families that come about when a young child starts school, or an older child starts college. It is not only a time of great change for them, but it has an impact on every member of the household.
However, despite the anxiety and upheaval that major change may bring, we can choose to see it as a chance to develop and educate ourselves in new areas too.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always found myself quite divided about the arrival of term-time. On the one hand I’m delighted to have a bit of structure and routine returned to my life. On the other hand, I love the lie-ons during the summer. I love the openness and possibilities of the days. But by the time September comes, I’m ready to shelve all that for another year!
I start looking through the lists of courses available in my locality. What will I do this year? How will I further develop myself? It’s a time for me, a time for me to focus on my own personal development.
Of course, when I say personal development, I don’t mean that the course I choose has to be based on, or called, self development. No matter what the subject matter of the course it will give me a chance to develop in some area of my life. Over the years I have done classes in pottery, drama, yoga, creative writing, french, flower arranging, singing, art and probably others I’ve forgotten already!
They have stretched me in directions I would not have expected. They have challenged me to develop my potential in creative areas I wouldn’t have approached before. Taking up new activities has, over the years, given me a chance to meet up with other like minded people and develop new friendships and acquaintances. And - like children starting in school - I too have felt anxious at the beginning. I have tried to talk myself out of joining. I’ve tried to find supportive friends to come along with me.
And in the end I am always glad that I joined up. It’s like guerilla self-development! You start out learning flower arranging and wake up to discover that you’ve learned how to organise your time (to attend the class); control a budget (have you seen the price of fresh flowers!); meet & engage with new people; develop your creativity; enhance your home decor and probably even more besides.
So - although it doesn’t say all that on the brochure for classes in your neighbourhood - why not give it a try this September. You never know where it will take you!
… is that you get away from everything that is usual and “normal” in your life. It’s the most fantastic chance we have for self development. It gives us the opportunity to change our outlook on things in our lives.
I always find when I come from holidays (in fact even before I get home I find) I’m planning new things. I might think of a new layout for the furniture in my office or home. I might develop a new way to approach a certain client, or situation. I might decide to repaint the living room to get a whole new perspective on things. And that’s really what holidays do for me - in terms of my personal growth, they give me a change of perspective.
This year, when we came home from holidays, my husband said it had been like having “time off from the recession”. Because the recession is one thing - and it’s effects are very real. But the media “moan-fest” that goes on about it is entirely another thing. It’s like a big bandwagon all of its own. It’s a huge “ain’t it awful” circus that feeds itself on people’s misery. It’s a way of looking at it.
So time off from that was a real treat. And y’know what? The world still turned while we were away; the economists still wrung their hands; the unemployed were still unemployed; those in difficulty were still in difficulty - but the ones reporting it seemed to be having the time of their lives picking over the troubles of everyone else. That’s just their way of looking at it.
I’m very thankful that I had the opportunity to get away from it all for a few weeks. The situation didn’t change, but my view of it did. And that’s the point. When we look at some event in our lives that is causing us difficulty, it can be hard to separate the event from our reaction to it. What’s really happening is that a certain event takes place - then - we have a reaction to it. If we get to take a step back, a pause, a holiday - and choose a different reaction, then we have power over the outcome.
For example, if someone loses their job, that is a very real event. It has effects and consequences. But whether you deal with it as (i) a disaster from which you will never recover, or (ii) an unexpected event which may force you to look at things in a new way - is up to you. One will give you a miserable, self-defeating attitude, the other will give you a chance for personal development (albeit not looked for), to look at where your strengths lie and present yourself in a new way. Losing your job is the fact. How you deal with it is where your power lies.
It brings me back to the benefit of holidays. It gives us that break, that pause, in which to look at things in a new way. Happy holidays!
I picked up a book the other day. It was one from my stack of self-help or personal development books that I work my way through when I have the time. I don’t know why - but I stopped and asked myself -
“Now why do I do that? Why do I keep reading self-help books? Am I not “helped” enough by now? Have I not learned enough? I thought I believed that I have all the answers for my own self and my own life! If that’s true - why am I still looking for help?”
I realised that the reason that I read that kind of book is not to learn something new (though I regularly do learn new things). Because when I read them, I often find myself thinking “Yes, I agree with that” or “I knew that” and I regularly feel that it confirms what I already knew in some part of my being. Reading the inspiring, empowering books gives me permission to say to myself - “Yep, I knew that already.” It makes me feel good that I have worked out some stuff in my life and it resonates with other people (who have written about it already).
I like that. It feels good. So I will continue to read self-help, self-development books. I will continue to develop myself and acknowledge the great knowledge and insights I already have inside. And I will continue to find new and interesting information and insights in books written by others in the personal development arena.
I often read self-help books (no kidding?!) and many of them talk about compassion and forgiveness. There is an emphasis on the fact that, if we do not have forgiveness and compassion we cannot move forward with our lives. I agree. Much of the baggage we bring (let’s face it - drag) with us from our pasts, is an accumulation of unforgiven acts or words, and a lack of compassion or understanding of how things were then.
“If I had only said that, or hadn’t said what I did say”
“If only I had told them”
“If only I could have let go my hurt and moved on”
“If they only knew how hurt I felt”
my life would have been, or now would be so much better.
What is the advantage to us of holding onto the hurts of the past? Is it to avenge ourselves on someone? To hope that they will feel the hurt we did and somehow understand how much we suffered? In reality - after the event - who is left hurting? We are. Not the “perpetrator” of the “crime”.
And where does that leave us? What role is left for us to play?
That’s right - if we’re not the “perp” then we must be the victim!
I bet none of us wants to land that role! We can readily point to friends/acquaintances whom we see as being victims. We pride ourselves on not being that type at all. Never!
During my coaching last year I was, on one occasion, horrified to hear my own coach refer to certain of my behaviours as “victim”. I was angry with her and refused to believe her at all. Of course, very soon I had that sneaking little feeling that I was only angry with her because I feared it was true. It was like a slap in the face for me, but a well-intentioned one and eventually I was grateful for it.
I’m not suggesting that we need to trawl back over our past lives and try to reverse or forgive every act from the past, but I am all for starting from right now. If I can start from right now, to be compassionate and understanding of myself, then I am in a better place to leave hurts behind and move on with my life.
The first and most important forgiveness has to be for ourselves. If I spend the next period of my life not forgiving myself for the baggage I’ve carried from my earliest years, I’m just giving myself all the same grief all over again! Stop it! Stop it now!
Let’s try - at the end of each and every day - to take a moment to show ourselves forgiveness and compassion. You could devise a little mantra for yourself, like “I forgive myself for any hurts I may have caused myself or others during this day, and I forgive others who may have hurt me today”. Or something like that. After a week of not dragging little hurts and conflicts with us, how will we feel?
Do you ever look in the mirror? Not to fix your make-up, or to check how gorgeous you still are. But do you ever look yourself in the eye in order to know yourself better, the way you would look into the eyes of someone you were trying to know better?
It can be difficult for us to look at ourselves beyond the superficial, hair and make-up level. We are used to checking our appearance first of all when we look at ourselves. We rarely look long enough to make a connection.
When you meet someone new, if you want to get to know them better, what do you do? Look at the floor when they speak to you? Look up at the sky in the hope of finding a divine answer? No. You look into their eyes while they speak. You attend to what they are saying. You watch their eyes for the truth in what they are saying. You look for the confirmation of the words they are saying.
We all know when someone lies to us. As children we were used to the impossibility of telling a lie when someone was looking us straight in the eye. And how do we demonstrate early signs of falling in love with someone? We love to spend time looking deeply into their eyes.
So why not do it for ourselves? Probably for both the reasons above.
Firstly, if we look ourselves in the eyes and say “I love and accept you” - we will immediately know if we are telling the truth or not. If we are finding it difficult to say this to ourselves, why? What are the feelings that come up for you if you say “I love and accept you” to yourself in the mirror? Do you hear a critical parent or friend telling you you’re not worth it? Maybe you feel that you are not perfect enough to be loved? It could be that, in place of judgemental others, you have come to be your own harshest critic.
Secondly, looking deeply into our own eyes would mean taking on that critic, or judge or negative voice that we have inside us. It would mean learning to, or being willing to love and accept ourselves. That is often very difficult to do. If we have a (so-far) lifetime of being a certain way (e.g. judged or criticised) it can be scary to change that way of being. We’re used to it.
What would it be like to fall in love with yourself? How would it be to have that warm, deeply contented glow inside? And know that we are the reason for it ourselves? How wonderful would that be?
Here is an NLP exercise that is a really easy and effective technique you can learn and apply every day on any number of problem areas. If you’re anxious about something - try this. If someone gets you really angry - try this. If you have to do something that needs more confidence than you believe you have - try this.
This NLP technique is very useful when you want to change a negative feeling you have about something, or change your approach to something. It’s easy to hear how “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting on what you’ve always got”, but it’s not always easy to change what we do. Self development requires work and attention, but it doesn’t have to be hard work.
If you have an issue that causes you a problem (e.g. a colleague who “rubs you the wrong way”, or recurring problem that never seems to change for you no matter how many times you tackle it) here is one way of dealing with it:
Picture the problem, whether it be a person or event. Bring it to mind as fully and accurately as you can. Make it as clear as if it was happening now. Give it the colours, sounds, movement, smells etc. that the real situation would have.
When you have an accurate visualization of the problem - change the elements of the picture. So - if the image is big, horribly real-life size, movie-like and loud, then move the picture far, far away. Turn down the volume on the picture. If it was a movie, then make it still. Drain all the colour out of it. Allow the accompanying emotion also move far away, grow paler and quieter.
Notice how much differently you feel about it as a tiny image, far away, black & white, silent and still.
Repeat the process, changing the picture/visualization of the image or event, weakening it, paling it out and allowing your emotional response to it to weaken too.
When you’ve repeated this a few times, test it by bringing to mind the original problem. Now how much better do you feel about it?
You can do this with anything at all. If you have to make a speech or presentation, if you have to face someone who intimidates you, if you have to chair a meeting of your peers, if you need to remove the anxiety you feel at some forthcoming event - you can use this exercise.
The trick is to repeat it as often as you feel the need. Consider it your daily self development boost. Never underestimate the power of such a simple personal improvement technique.
Watch out for “SoundBites of Self Development” on Twitter. Some days it would be great just to have those few words of encouragement, or support for what you’re doing. I’m hoping that Twitter will facilitate that. I can broadcast a message (or send one privately) just 140 characters long. Just long enough for a sentence or two of help or of interest.
Yes, I’ve done it! I’ve decided to try out the phenomenon that is Twitter. If you have any hints, please let me know, because I’m a newbie. My hope is that this may be a way to have a wordwide converstation about self development, NLP, personal development and all things life-coach related.
I attended a lunchtime seminar on Wednesday. Yesterday I set up my profile “MegaPotential“. Sounds flashy, but basically LifePotential, YourPotential, MyPotential were all gone, and I thought WHAT could be left? So - MegaPotential it is!
Already I have connected to a coach in the States -Beth Banning - whose goal is to “offer ideas that promote conscious conversation, inspire conscious action, and create a more conscious world.”
I liked the sound of that so I’m “following” her. I can search for terms like “self development” and scan through all the people who tweet on self improvement issues. For me, it’s like if I wanted to ask something from a group of friends and I stood up in the group and asked my question, or made my statement. With Twitter - the world is my group of friends. When I send a short message, or ask a question, I’m standing up in front of the world and asking for response.
I like the fact that, whereas FaceBook, Bebo, etc. are about linking all your friends and family, Twitter is about finding new friends. I can have conversations with like-minded people all over the globe without having to meet them or know them first. Maybe I will meet up with some of them, someday. Who knows?
So watch out for Soundbites of Self Development, and if I get any from anyone else that are worth passing on, I shall “ReTweet” them.
