Procrastination is a state of mind that’s a bit like the twilight zone. It’s a behaviour we all know, to some extent. I found this clip today and, sad to say, it is something I TOTALLY understand! Ah, stuff! And getting it done! If you’re a procrastinator, you probably looked at the clip and thought - “That’s really funny”. But why is it funny? Let me tell you - it’s funny because you understand it, because you’ve been there, and because - if you’re watching the clip - then you are watching the animation instead of “getting stuff done”!
We all drag any number of things and actions (always useful and essential things and action, I want to stress) into our day, in place of getting done the things we had actually set out to do in the first place. We have the clean desk, the anti-bac wiped phone and keyboard, the re-sharpened pencils in their holder, the felt tips all tested and the old ones binned … need I go on? You probably have your own favourite.
For me, as a parent, I can always find a “family” reason why I didn’t get my blog post written. I had to collect my daughter from the station, I had to drop my son to guitar class, I had to shop for the dinner etc. These are all blessed with the special category of “family”, therefore I cannot be blamed for doing them before writing my blog.
What’s really going on here? Yep, I’m trying to justify NOT doing something I’ve already committed to doing. Beyond that, what’s the story? Well - is the thing I’m avoiding necessary? To whom? In what way? To whose benefit? One possibility is that it’s not something I really want to do at all. If that’s the case, why am I doing/avoiding it? Does it comply with my role in some way? (e.g. is it so I’ll be seen as a good/better businesswoman/coach/worker or - dare I say it - person)? Maybe it’s not something I need to be doing at all.
Or is it something I want to do, in order to have it done, but don’t enjoy the doing of it? What can I do? Maybe I can delegate? Maybe I can do turn-and-turn-about with a colleague/neighbour? Maybe I can offer to exchange my skill in some other area, with someone who has skills in my area of procrastination?
Finally, it may be something I want to do, I need to do it and, in the circumstances, I’m the only one who can do it. At this point, the easiest path is acceptance. “Ok, I have to do this. I don’t enjoy it, but I will enjoy the benefits of having it done. So - as Brian Tracy might say - “Eat that Frog!” Just bite the bullet and do it. Pick the nastiest, most put-off job and start with that. You will feel such a sense of satisfaction and - yes - self-righteous pride when you have it done, that it will make you look forward to the next challenge with more enthusiasm and less procrastination than you have before.
Now I have a frog called “ironing” that I have to go and eat!
I’m a person who likes to be useful, to be needed. In my own family I would feel positively unloved if I thought my parents, siblings, children, even nieces and nephews - couldn’t rely on me for support and comfort. I don’t quite hijack people in order to help them, but sometimes it comes close!
It’s no surprise then that I’m involved in an area of work that requires me to be of help and support to people. However, as in my personal life, I do draw the line at hijacking people in order to help them.
I was talking to a fellow Toastmaster recently who didn’t know a lot about life coaching, but knew it was becoming a bit of a buzz word. She asked me if I thought she needed coaching. When I asked her how her life was, she said it was fine. She is a wonderfully positive, kind, generous, organised and generally (it seems to me) a very happy woman. I said “What on earth would you need a life coach for?”
It got me thinking about my profession, life coaching. There is a danger out there that people are being encouraged to believe that their lives are unfulfilled, that there is something missing, that they’re not achieving what they might. In order to “sell” the idea of life coaching, there is a more hardline approach of selling the idea that people need it. Clearly this is true in many cases, but certainly not all.
In my line of work, my aim is for my clients NOT to need me! That is the goal of my life coaching. I want them to see that they have control of, and responsibility for, their own lives and choices. I applaud the client who contacts me for coaching when they are in a phase where they need (or would benefit from) a coach; when they want a non-judgemental, supportive person who can question, coax, comfort and challenge them through that phase. I’m delighted when it becomes obvious to both of us that they no longer require regular sessions.
I would not be helping them, or my profession, if I were to hang on to them as a client simply to be my meal ticket. Or if I had attracted them in the first place by convincing my customers that their lives were unfulfilled, just so that I could help them to fulfill imaginary gaps in their lives.
I suggest that people consider life coaching as they would any other trade or profession. When you need a plumber, you call a plumber. When your pipes are fixed, you don’t keep arranging to meet the plumber. When you need a lawyer, you hire one. When your legal requirement is dealt with, you say “Thanks very much” and “Goodbye”. I realise that, even in these professions, there are doomsayers who would try to convince you that you do need more lagging for your pipes, more insulation, to sue your neighbour, to claim against the council etc. You can’t stop this type of marketing, but you can be aware of it.
Immediately I have to step in on my own conversation at this point and declare that I know that most coaches (and other professionals) do not do this. However, you will all be aware of the growing number of ads, e-mails, flyers etc. that try to convince the reader that there is something wrong with the way they are right now. That may not be the case. There is much you can do to help yourself. There are books, CDs, DVDs, free workshops and webinars, all of which can help you “self-coach” (which is something we do every day of our lives, I believe).
Then if, or when, you feel you need an ally, a support, a life coach - that’s the time to investigate who suits you and what programme will help you.
Sorry for having a bit of a rant, but it’s something I feel strongly about in my work. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Well, I’ve always like the idea of preparing for Christmas by focusing not on the commercialism, but on the real magic of Christmas. There’s a special feeling around Christmas that is nothing to do with giving and receiving gifts. It’s about giving and receiving of ourselves and our time and our love. It has a real feel-good effect and that, in turn, passes on to others.
Every year I prepare an Advent calendar at home. I have a cloth calendar, with one little gift bag for each day from the 1st to the 24th December. Along with a little treat of a few sweets or a tiny gift, I put a little piece of paper with a “Thought for the day” on it. It’s as simple as saying hello to people you meet on the street, or hugging someone you love, or remembering to tell someone you love them.
I started doing it when my children were small and, even though they are now grown, they still love the thrill of a little daily reminder that Christmas is coming (and the sweets of course!).
I’m not crazy enough to think that it’s all fun and games. Many people have great difficulty getting through the season. Even more reason to start preparing beforehand. Every day, from now till Christmas, do some small thing to bring your focus to the positive. It might be as simple as taking time to smile and thank people sincerely for any little interaction today e.g. at the supermarket - really thank the assistant, smile and look them in the eye as you say thanks. It’ll make a big difference to them and to you. And if you’re having a tough day - even more reason to bring some light and sunshine into it!
The more people who buy into this, the more relaxed and enjoyable your preparation for Christmas will be. If you’re stuck for ideas any day - follow my Twitter messages. I’ll be tweeting throughout Advent and suggesting a focus for the day. There will be nothing that costs money, just a little of your time and effort. You’ll find it so worthwhile to engage with Christmas in a more positive, stress-free way.
You could even write it out for yourself and pin it up on your noticeboars, or stick it on the refrigerator door, or slip it in your purse where you’ll see it every time you open it. You know yourself how to make the most of it. Let me know how it works for you.
I came across this video clip recently on YouTube, and I love it. I don’t know who made it or promotes it, but - as always here at LifePotential - I’m happy to pass on anything I feel will help us develop ourselves to the fullest. Our behaviour is often influenced by little things we see or hear. See what you think of this.
This is really about going the extra mile, doing that bit more, providing that extra special service. I read an article in the Irish Times last week about a woman who is opening an old fashioned Tea Shop in Co. Cork. Her research included a trip to afternoon tea at the Ritz in London. She said it cost her £42 per person, but that it was worth every penny of it. Now - do the Ritz serve better tea than anywhere else? I doubt it. Do they make better cakes/scones than a home-baker from Cork? Most unlikely. So why did she feel it was worth it?
She said that the welcome, the service (they had a waiter dedicated to their table), the crisp white linen cloths & napkins, the smiles, the “nothing-is-too-much-trouble” attitude made it worthwhile. She decided that that atmosphere was what she wanted to replicate in her tea shop. She bought proper china cups (from charity shops) rather than mugs. Her daughter decorates each cupcake individually by hand. She makes the tea in old fashioned china pots with knitted tea-cosy, on to keep it warm. All in all, she is bringing the care and attention to detail of her Ritz experience, to her own tea shop.
I found it a warming read, just to see someone going that extra mile to provide a luxury service to her customers. And she’s not getting 42 pounds a go for it. But I hope that she is getting loyal and happy customers. People know what they like: - they like to be welcomed, treated well, fed good food in good company and to leave with a smile on their face.
There are always areas in our daily lives where we have the chance to do a little bit extra for someone, to give a little more, to try a little harder, to be more pleasant in an exchange (smiling costs nothing as we’ve proven before!), to be more welcoming, to offer to help, to spend 5 minutes with someone who needs company. There are as many opportunities as there are moments in the day. Try some for yourself. Tweet me how you get on. You can start right now. If you’ve ever thought how someone you know would like to read these blogs or tweets, forward this to them right away. Job done. It might give someone a little lift.
I came across this clip today, and I really like it. I would put it in under my “Feelgood Tasks” because I think it relates to a whole change of behaviour, which will bring long term benefits to your self and others.
Let me know what you think. I haven’t heard of this group before, so I’m promoting them. I just like the clip. I like what it says. It’s positive, affirming, motivational and it gets us out of ourselves and our own little world and gets us to focus on how we interact with others. Hopefully we can make that interaction a positive one.
Is it still self development if no one knows? Sounds a bit Zen-like, doesn’t it? Like - “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?” If you’re working on your self development without telling anyone - will they notice?
Thing is - I think - once you are practising self-development sincerely, it won’t be possible for no one to know! If you are developing, of course people are going to know. On yesterdays teleseminar with Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup books, Success Principles etc.) his “homework” to us for the coming month is to do one simple thing, just choose one, and so it every day for the next 30 days, and see what the result.
Obviously he means do something good and positive for yourself and/or others. For instance he has committed to getting a full 8 hours sleep every night, come what may, for the 30 days. Other suggestions might be:
Show gratitude (verbally, e-mail, SMS etc.) to 10 people every day for 30 days
Phone someone you’ve lost touch with, or have been meaning to phone (just one person a day) for 30 days
Tell someone you love - that you love them. This is an obvious and easy one, but I know that lots of us assume that people know we love them. TELL them so, for 30 days
Congratulate/appreciate yourself in some way. Sometimes just pausing and telling ourselves we are worthwhile is enough. Treat yourself to a short walk in the fresh air, a chat with a friend, a 5-minute lie on in bed. Just pick something that means something to you. It doesn’t have to cost anything. It doesn’t have to take long.
Now - back to my original theme. Do you think that, if you were to implement any one of these for 30 days, there would be no noticeable difference in you? Would people notice a change in your behaviour? Might you appear more relaxed if you had had a month of appreciating yourself, your friends, your work colleagues, getting enough rest, any of these things?
I’m betting that everyone close to you, and probably people who didn’t even know you that well, would see a change in your attitude. Because that’s where it would show. You can’t remain lacking in confidence if you are telling yourself every day that you’re worthwhile, and showing that appreciation of yourself in some way. You’ll be seen as the chirpiest person in the office if you’re constantly thanking colleagues when appropriate. And just how much will relationships with all your loved ones improve, if you tell them that you love them, everyday for the next 30 days.
I’m not claiming credit for Jack Canfield’s suggestion, but I do think that it perfectly illustrates what I’ve been getting at here today. I believe that when you embark on any element of self-development, no matter how small an act it might be, the ripple effect can be very powerful.
This is my first blog entry from my new netbook. I know the tech-savvy among you are shaking your heads and probably thinking I’m sad to be so excited, but hey - get over it. I’m a kid with a new toy. I’m allowed to be excited! It’s so neat! It’s so tiny. I can take it everywhere I go!
The portability of this new computer makes me think of all the ways we limit our self development to a particular time and place. It’s easy to forget that we take ourselves wherever we go!!
Years ago, I did weekly yoga classes, but from one week to the next I did nothing. I simply limited my development in that area to one class once a week. It was as if Wednesday was Self-Development Day! As time went by I realised that, without even doing the yoga poses, I was becoming more aware of my posture, my thoughts, my diet - in fact all the things I was learning weekly at my class. This was happening all the time, not just on Wednesdays!
It seems naive now, but I never really thought about it at all. I just had in mind that yoga class was Wednesday, and didn’t pay attention to how pervasive our thoughts and learning are. Once we hear something, learn something, decide something - we’ve already made a slight change to our way of thinking.
Since that time, I accept that the learning never stops. And the implementing what I’ve learned never stops. That’s a good thing. If I’m always choosing self development books, seminars and classes - and if I’m regularly in the company of people for whom developing their full potential is important, then there will always be something self-improving going on in my head and in my life. What a boost!
So today - be aware of all the positive, self development elements that come your way. It may be a person you meet, an article you read (might even be this one!), a Tweet you receive, en e-mail, a blog, etc. Maybe in your own house, maybe at the railway station, someone you meet on the bus, at the cafe etc. And it’s just as important to remember that you are also that development contact for everyone you meet today. What you are giving out is being received by everyone who comes into contact with you today. It’s the ultimate give-and-take. Go Give! Go Take! Perfect balance.
I am really interested in self development, as you know, and love to read up on development tools and techniques all the time. When I can, I like to attend talks given by leaders in the field of personal development. I was at a seminar years ago, given by Hale Dwoskin (The Sedona Method), here in Ireland. There was one moment I remember very clearly, like a moment of revelation. You may know the Sedona method and the way of asking yourself the three questions:
“Could I let go of this feeling?”
“Would I let go of this feeling?”
and
“When?”
When I heard him say them first, I thought they were simplistic to the point of idiocy. How wrong I was! Hale started by asking us to bring to mind a way of feeling or reacting that we had, that was unpleasant and harmful to ourselves. Something we felt we had no control over e.g. feeling really angry about something that had happened in the past, or someone who pushed our buttons and made us feel mad every time we met them.
I thought of a particular piece of “baggage” I was carrying from my past. I felt powerless to dump it, it seemed to have come from my past and I was busy dragging it into my future too.
First question: “Could I let go of this feeling?” I asked myself. Well, of course I could. You don’t think I want this bad feeling, do you? I’d get rid of it at the drop of a hat.
Second question: “Would I let go of this feeling?” Was I willing to let this feeling go? Yes! Just show me how and it’ll be gone, I promise you. Yes, I would definitely let go of this if I could.
Third question: “When?” Interesting here. When I asked myself this question, the immediate response I got, deep in my mind, before I even formed the thought - was - “As soon as I have something else to put in its place.”
That really got me thinking. Somehow, even though I felt that I could and would get rid of this unwanted baggage, there was also a part of me so used to it that I wouldn’t give it up - unless I had something to replace it with.
I looked at this in various ways. One thing I could do would be to replace it immediately with a good feeling, or positive thought. Then, whenever I was going to feel the old baggage feeling, I could instead feel the good feeling. I thought about how I could motivate myself to do this any time I had an unwanted negative feeling. Then I wondered why I had to replace it at all. Why could I not just get rid of it, let it go?
And you know, the interesting thing then was that, it seemed that once I had acknowledged it happening at all, I didn’t make the old link any more. D’you know what I mean? It was like I couldn’t run that old programme anymore. I had been found out - by me! So, for that particular thought/feeling pattern, the link was broken.
I don’t always remember to use the Sedona method any time I have a negative pattern to break, but it has proved very useful and effective to me in the past.
Just thought I’d share that with you. Hope it helps you too.
What a fantastic day it is here in Dublin today! The sun is shining. It’s a beautiful autumn day. Makes me feel great.
When the sun is shining, like it is now, it’s so much easier to feel cheerful and positive. Has anything changed? Has the recession gone away? Have the people in charge suddenly started taking responsibility for themselves and the importance of the jobs they hold? No. It’s just that the good weather puts me in better humour.
How often do you say that the weather makes you feel good, or bad (if it rains)? How many times do you say someone, or something, made you feel a certain way? In relation to the weather, I do it all the time. At this time of year, when the days get shorter, I feel more melancholy and have to remind myself to change my mood, since I can’t change the time of year or the weather.
We even extend our power give-away to people:- “He made me really angry”. “She made me do it”. We give other people the chance to affect our mood. What a waste! What a loss for us.
One of the greatest powers we have is our ability to change our mood or our state. We can decide to remain upbeat when we meet a group of friends who do the whole moan-a-minute routine. We can choose to be positive about our health rather than assume, at the first sniffle, that we’ve got swine flu’. We can even choose not to respond angrily to someone who does something we don’t like.
We might like to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they are acting like that because of some sadness or upset in their lives. We could see it as feedback rather than criticism. We could even use it as a tool to encourage ourselves not to be like that.
But it is always a choice. We often rush into a comment, or a response that afterwards we might realise was less-than-useful. A pause for a quick assessment of the situation can often help us to put that little bit of distance between ourselves and the situation, give ourselves a moment’s breathing space. Time to choose a better option. Or - as I read in one of the personal development books I have - “think a better-feeling thought“.
So get out there and practise thinking a better-feeling thought. Your choice. Your response. You choose the outcome.
Pick one thing - just one thing - that you really admire about someone. Have you got someone in mind? I have. I love the peace and serenity of the Dalai Lama’s smile. No matter what happens in his life (and let’s face it - he’s had a lot!) he always manages a serene smile. I admire that.
When you’ve decided on one trait you admire, try copying it for yourself for the next few weeks. You may love someone else’s ability to be on time for appointments, a friend’s dedication to keeping in touch, you might love when someone sends you a letter or card. Now you do it. See how it feels to be doing the thing you admire. Remember, then YOU deserve admiration too!
So - anyone who knows me - you can look out for my peaceful, serene smile over the next few weeks! Have fun out there.
