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Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
 Success
I’m always looking for the easiest way to do anything. If you tell me there is a long-drawn out process or an easy three step approach to doing something, or achieving a particular result - which one appeals to me? That’s right! I’m always going to take the 3-step approach! I don’t think I’m alone in this? I like to think it’s human nature. Perhaps it’s only my nature!
I know there are many of you that feel the same. This is for you. It’s not rocket-science. It’s not limited to those of us involved in life coaching. It’s for everyone. There is nothing difficult or complicated about these steps. But the simplicity is in the doing!
- Step 1: Be very clear on what, exactly, you want to achieve. That sounds like the simplest thing - and it is - but it’s the one that a lot of us overlook in our drive and enthusiasm to get the thing done, or the goal achieved. You need to be as specific as you can possibly be about your goal. For example, you might say “I want to lose weight“. That’s a goal - yes it is. But if you say “I’m going to weigh xxx lbs by 30th November 2009“, then you are setting up the expectation in your own mind and that will be what you’re subconscious will work away on for the weeks in between. It doesn’t mean that all you have to do is set the goal and do no work! It just means that the closer the focus, the easier it is to reach. Think of it like getting directions to somewhere. You stop on the road and ask someone “How do I get to ...?” Now, is it more useful for them to say “It’s about 10 miles away in that direction” or to say “Follow the road here for 8 miles, take a left at the bus station, continue for about 2 miles, past the garage, then it’s the second turn on the right - and there you are“??? I know which directions I’d find more useful!
- Step 2: Take action. Another obvious one. But I can tell you from my own experience that it’s often a lot easier to do all the planning and research than it is to take the action. But very little will happen without the action. It would be like (as in step 1) setting the goal for yourself, but never taking any action about it. If you think, or even plan, to - for example - lose weight, nothing is going to happen if you sit around, eating biscuits and drinking lattes while you PLAN to achieve the weight loss. It won’t happen till you DO SOMETHING about it.
- Step 3: Acknowledge your success. Congratulate yourself every little step of the way. Give yourself all the praise and validation you deserve for every little part of your goal that you achieve. Don’t wait until you reach the big, final goal. It’s too easy to give up before that if you feel disheartened. But if you keep feeling good about all the little triumphs along the way, it will keep you motivated to finish what you started.
That’s it! Three simple steps to achieving your goals. Give it a go. You’ve got nothing to lose (except a few lbs!!).
Tags: Goals, Motivation, Planning
Posted in Life Coaching, Motivation, Self Development | 2 Comments »
Friday, June 5th, 2009
Watch out for “SoundBites of Self Development” on Twitter. Some days it would be great just to have those few words of encouragement, or support for what you’re doing. I’m hoping that Twitter will facilitate that. I can broadcast a message (or send one privately) just 140 characters long. Just long enough for a sentence or two of help or of interest.
Yes, I’ve done it! I’ve decided to try out the phenomenon that is Twitter. If you have any hints, please let me know, because I’m a newbie. My hope is that this may be a way to have a wordwide converstation about self development, NLP, personal development and all things life-coach related.
I attended a lunchtime seminar on Wednesday. Yesterday I set up my profile “ MegaPotential“. Sounds flashy, but basically LifePotential, YourPotential, MyPotential were all gone, and I thought WHAT could be left? So - MegaPotential it is!
Already I have connected to a coach in the States -Beth Banning - whose goal is to “offer ideas that promote conscious conversation, inspire conscious action, and create a more conscious world.”
I liked the sound of that so I’m “following” her. I can search for terms like “self development” and scan through all the people who tweet on self improvement issues. For me, it’s like if I wanted to ask something from a group of friends and I stood up in the group and asked my question, or made my statement. With Twitter - the world is my group of friends. When I send a short message, or ask a question, I’m standing up in front of the world and asking for response.
I like the fact that, whereas FaceBook, Bebo, etc. are about linking all your friends and family, Twitter is about finding new friends. I can have conversations with like-minded people all over the globe without having to meet them or know them first. Maybe I will meet up with some of them, someday. Who knows?
So watch out for Soundbites of Self Development, and if I get any from anyone else that are worth passing on, I shall “ReTweet” them.
Tags: Coaching, Friends, Self Development
Posted in Creativity, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
We all want the best for ourselves in our lives. We want the best job, the best salary, the best partner, the best kids, in short - the best life. That’s great. We are built to go after what we want in our lives. We don’t always know, or acknowledge that we know, how to do that.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I am engaged in an ongoing coaching relationship with the Canfield Coachingteam in the U.S. It is constantly providing me with thought-provoking and challenging issues. Change and growth are all part of the process. Sometimes I feel like I’m going round in circles. At others I feel like I’m stuck in the one spot, going nowhere at all. I even feel, sometimes, that everything is changing too quickly and I can’t cope. Here is a brief list of helpful tips I got from one of Jack Canfield’s motivational CDs.
What do we need to do?
- Stop doing what’s not working. So you’ve tried lots of things. Some of them were deliberately tried, some of them out of desperation, or as a last resort, but - if you’re still here - then you’ve been trying lots of things to get to the stage of still being here. If you hadn’t tried crossing the street against the red light you would not now know how dangerous that can be! But you’ve survived - so you learned something by that. Every little thing we do in our lives is based on tiny, instant decisions we make, which are - in turn - based on previous responses we have gotten to things we tried.
- Do more of what is working. When you find something you do that really works for you, that gives you the response/feedback/result you desire, then incorporate more of that into your life. Apply it to other areas of your life/work and see how that succeeds for you.
- Try new things and see what does work. The only way to increase the number of ways you can succeed and make changes is to continue to add new skills/tools to your repertoire. It’s risky, I know. And risky can mean scary. But think of the payoff. You get to identify lots of new powerful techniques to improve/change you life. So try new things. Take each one for a test drive. If it works add it to your list of what works, and if it doesn’t then add it to the list of things to stop doing!
Overall you’ll have added greatly to your knowledge and experience, right now, in the present. You’ll also have identified new skills to use to create a better future for yourself.
Tags: Change, Coaching, Motivation, Self Development, Self Improvement
Posted in Confidence, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
What resolutions did you make for this year? How many of them are still on the go? How many have been shelved by about, oh I’m guessing, the end of January? Don’t hang your heads! It’s the most normal thing in the world. I’m going to share something with you. Some of my regular readers will know this already. It’s no secret. I don’t make New Year Resolutions. That’s right. Never. As far as I’m concerned every day of the year is the start of a new 12 month period. I don’t particularly hold January 1st in any special esteem. What I do love about Jan. 1st is watching the New Year’s Day concert from Vienna, Austria. I watch it on television every year. Have done since I was a kid. I love it. For me, New Years Day is about getting up on time to make a pot of tea and settle down to watch and listen to the concert. It transports me to that beautiful city, and begins my year with music, beauty and joy. And it costs me nothing but the licence fee.
But what of resolutions? I said that I don’t make New Year Resolutions, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t set goals for myself at any time of year. I’m trying Jack Canfield’s quarterly goal setting, this year. With it, I choose one important goal that will improve my life. I commit to forming the new habit over three months. By then it should be part of my normal way of doing things, I will have formed a new, positve habit. Then I choose a new one for the next quarter.
For this quarter I decided to improve my time-keeping. I have been a poor time keeper most of my life. Ask my sister. Ask anyone who has ever arranged to meet me at a precise time. I can even manage to be late when I give myself time to spare. Because if I have time to spare, I’ll try to cram in something else and still end up late for my appointment! So - for me - improving my time-keeping would be a major step forward
How have I been doing? Well, I’ve discovered that to be on time for things, I really need to think much farther ahead than I usually do. For instance, if I am due to meet you for lunch tomorrow, I have to start thinking about it today. Now, for those of you who are good time-keepers, this is no surprise. But for me, my logic was that - if it’s tomorrow that I’m meeting you, then tomorrow is when I’ll think about it. You’ve spotted where this is going. When tomorrow comes, I have too little time to decide where to meet, what to wear, whether to drive or take the train, how to also fit in my usual mom-tasks etc. So I used to end up rushing, last minute, no make-up, feeling flustered and hopeless and angry with myself for being late yet again.
Now I can’t say I’m excellent yet, but I’ve found out something important, which is relevant to New Year resolutions too. Forgiveness. This quarter is my time-keeping quarter. I’m making great improvements in my time management. But if I still end up late for an appointment, for some reason - I FORGIVE MYSELF. That’s the important part. I don’t beat myself up. I don’t negative-talk myself. I don’t say “Oh no. I’ve failed again. I knew I was no good at this. I can never be on time.”
What I DO say is - “I can see how it happened that I was late this time. I can use that knowledge so that next time I won’t be late. I’m doing the best I can and I’m proud of that.”
Tell me - what do you say to yourself when you slip up? If you’ve already dropped some of your resolutions, was it because after one slip you told yourself you had failed and there was no point in keeping it up? How much easier is it going to be to keep a resolution if you’re constantly encouraging and forgiving yourself?
Try it for yourself. Take one of your resolutions that has lapsed. Or one you’re struggling with. Start today. Make sure that it’s an achievable and desirable goal, put all your previous attempts behind you and begin afresh. Forgive yourself. Congratulate yourself for all the effort you’ve already put into it. Resolve to forgive yourself if you make any slip ups. Take it one day at a time. Let me know how you get on.
Tags: Forgiveness, Goals, Resolutions, Time Management
Posted in Beliefs & Values, Life Coaching, Motivation, Self Development | No Comments »
Monday, March 2nd, 2009
I know a lot of women who are going crazy. You might say “It takes one to know one”. And, on this occasion, I would definitely have to agree. Y’see I’m meeting a lot of women whose families are grown, or in college, or gaining their independence day by day. I’m seeing women who are in a position to evaluate where they are in their lives.
That sounds very positive, doesn’t it? But on the ground, in the ordinary everyday-ness of life, what it really amounts to is a sense of bewilderment. Now, don’t get me wrong. This is not all women, and not all of the time. But there is definitely a huge readjustment to be done when the job you’ve been doing for the past twenty years or so is suddenly surplus to requirements! It would be very easy for me to say “Blah Blah Blah Challenge”; “Blah Blah Opportunity”, but that’s not going to help you deal with it, or even accept it.
That brings me to the first important thing - you’ve got to accept it. Acknowledge that it is happening. It is valid. You have spent a huge chunk of your life giving your time, energy, genius, nourishment, caring and love to other people. Now - if you’ve done your job well, they need your time (but never your love) less. You haven’t suddenly become useless. You just need to take time to take stock of your life. It’s one of those big, life-changing-direction type of phases. Sometimes it feels like being a teenager again, except that in mid-life, you feel you should know better!
Marianne Williamson (in her book “The Age of Miracles”) refers to “personal excavation” at this time, to release the baggage of the past and create the life you want for the future.
Don’t mind that this video clip is a promo for her book. Ignore that - she still has some interesting things to say about this time of life.
What can you begin to do about it? Benefit from it? Make it a useful phase from which to grow?
My suggestion is to admit it to yourself. Admit to it with those you love. Tell it like it is. “I’m finding that, having done my job as well as I could for years, I’m not sure what my job is anymore. I’m feeling confused about my role, sometimes insecure about my future, and it can be frightening. I really need you to try to understand and support me while I make adjustments in my life. I need your patience and your love, because -just as beginning the journey of commitment and family was a big, important step for me in the past - this step of commitment to myself and my future is important too.”
Now give yourself time to be in this space of change. Deepak Chopra talks about the “Wisdom of Uncertainty” and I can understand what he means. But often, it scares the crap out of me! So - just because I’m suggesting you give yourself space to be uncertain, I’m not saying it will be easy. I understand what it’s like. Let’s go for it!
Tags: Creativity, Family, Mid Life, Self Development, Self-Confidence
Posted in Confidence, Creativity, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
Monday, January 12th, 2009
Aaaaagggghhhh! And so the nightmare of year-beginning starts. I began a programme of coaching for myself last year. It’s like a lot of professions, if you’re giving help to others - you have to be getting help yourself. Also, in December I did a five day course to update my own coaching skills. So now, at the start of a new year, I am up to my proverbials in reading lists, blog entries, newsletters for the new website (which will go live soon, I promise), new website etc.
All this at a time of year when I do most of my self-questioning. You can see the problem straight away, can’t you? Eternally self-defeating. And then I can add to that the feeling that if I can’t coach myself to perfection, how can I help anyone else?
Now THERE is the crux of the problem. Perfectionism. I have borrowed a wonderful phrase from one of the Jack Canfield coaches I spoke to - “I’m Daria, and I’m a recovering perfectionistâ€. I love it, because perfectionism is something that is so ingrained that you really do have to tackle it on a day-by-day, minute-by-minute basis. Perfectionism is the worst kind of “ism†because there is no end to it. It pervades every aspect of your life. Nothing is ever “perfect†and especially not yourself. And what is the outcome of all that striving? Just that - more striving. They say that you get what you focus on, and perfectionists don’t focus on perfection (you see how twisted this is?) they focus on Imperfection. They (and by “they†of course I mean “we†or “Iâ€) focus on how we aim for perfection, but miss. So we are focusing on the “missing†instead of the excellent work we have done, the excellent result we have already achieved.
No matter how big a pain in the face we are to you (the rest of the world) we are an even bigger pain in the face to ourselves. So have a little pity, and a boot ready to kick us up the backside when we need to get outside of our own attempts at perfection, and back into the real world where everyone is always doing the best they can.
So the best thing I can do for myself (and perhaps help you) is to share with you something my own coach sent me last year (thanks Sheri):
| Perfection |
VS |
Excellence |
| Perfection is being right |
|
Excellence is willing to be wrong |
| Perfection is fear |
|
Excellence is taking a risk |
| Perfection is anger and frustration |
|
Excellence is powerful |
| Perfection is control |
|
Excellence is spontaneous |
| Perfection is judgement |
|
Excellence is accepting |
| Perfection is taking |
|
Excellence is giving |
| Perfection is doubt |
|
Excellence is confidence |
| Perfection is pressure |
|
Excellence is natural |
| Perfection is destination |
|
Excellence is the journey |
Here’s to the journey - for 2009!
Tags: Coaching, Goal setting, New Year, Planning, Review
Posted in Life Coaching, NLP, Self Development | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
I have just read an article suggesting that a good way to “see ourselves as others see us†is to write about ourselves in the third person. At first I thought …â€hmm schizo†but the author went on to explain that writing about ourselves in the third person takes away that little self-censor that leaps in as soon as we say things to ourselves such as “I think†or “I believe†or “I feel that …†Our little self-censor jumps in to object and add its own little criticism or correction. So - if we speak of ourselves as the third party - that sort of side-steps that self-censoring action.
I’ve decided to give it a try. After all, at the beginning of a new year, what better way to assess the situation than by taking a clear look at who I am.
 Face in the Mirror Daria is a wonderful person. But she is the only one who doesn’t recognise this. She is positive and helpful, compassionate and supportive. She has a great sense of humour, but prefers clever humour to stupidity. The biggest drawback in Daria’s life is the fact that she can’t see. She can’t see how wonderful she is, how good her life is, how she can relax about needing constantly to be proving she is worthwhile. A lot of Daria’s energy goes in thinking up lots of new ways to prove it is worthwhile having her here on the planet. She has reared two wonderful children, who alone could tell her (if she was listening) how much of a “legend†she is.
How would Daria go about helping herself? Get out of her own way.
How would she do that? If she could be convinced that - as she is - without any judgement, validation, questioning at all - she is enough. It is enough. After that everything else is a bonus.
But she is afraid to stop in case that means she is lazy. She is afraid to do too much in case too much is then expected of her. She is afraid of doing too little in case it draws attention to herself. At one and the same time she longs for and dreads acceptance and attention in equal measure. She is afraid of the talents that she has (and they are many), afraid to use them in case they don’t measure up; afraid not to use them because that’s a sin. You can see a lot of her life is based in fear. And so - she is paralysed. Whatever she does it is wrong.
What if she could believe that - whatever she does it is right?
Tags: Beliefs, Criticism, Fear, Self-Doubt
Posted in Beliefs & Values, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
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