Richard Bandler - one of the co-creators of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) has written a book called “Get the Life you Want”. In it Bandler has distilled many of the NLP tools that he uses himself, to help people to make positive changes in their lives.
Let me say straight away that Richard Bandler is not a sweet talkin’ guy. He’s a straight talkin’ guy. And whereas many self-help books tell you that they’ll let you in on secrets, and hitherto unknown techniques you can use, I often find that they weren’t secrets. They were things we all knew already, but presented in a new way.
Not so with this book. The exercises throughout the book are ones that have been specifically designed using NLP. The book is packed with hands on exercises that anyone can do to help themselves. There is a glossary at the back to explain some of the NLP terms, but I would advise you not to get hung up on the terminology. Read through it all. If you don’t understand it all, use the glossary. But - do yourself a favour - pick this book up believing it’s going to be easy.
By page 6 Bandler has introduced us to the submodalities, which is the sensory language we use to understand our world and organise our thoughts and feelings. We intake everything we experience, through our five senses. Then we file it away and it becomes our store of experiences. This is the file we access when we want to understand something new. How does it look compared to what I already know? How does it sound compared to what I already know? How does it taste, smell and feel? Becoming aware of how we interpret our world and make sense of it is the key to the exercises in the book. If something makes me “feel” sad, where in my body do I feel that feeling? Which way is the feeling moving in my body? What is my experience of the feeling of “sadâ€. It might seem a little odd, at first, for people with no experience of NLP. Most of us are not used to thinking of where we feel a feeling, or which way it moves, or what colour it is.
Bandler then focuses on how we view or “mentally code†time (timelines). When we think of a past event, where do we picture it? Behind us? To the left? The now - where do we picture it? Underneath our feet? Overhead? The future? Discovering how we represent Time is also a prerequisite of some of the exercises. This too can be used to change our view of past events, and our difficulties with current or future events. Bandler says:
“We think about time in certain ways. The images of the past will be in a different place than the images of the future. … The key is in learning how you can begin to change the way you think and feel about your past, present and future.”
This is all dealt with right at the beginning of the book, and for a very good reason. He uses the power of our submodalities and our timelines, in the exercises, to effect change in our feelings and behaviours. From the very beginning, every chapter has exercises to do straight away. There is no need for equipment, or meditation, or anything other than commitment to engage fully with the exercises. They are done in a step-by-step, simple, fluid way. There are no difficult instructions, or language or psycho-babble, just straight talking guidelines.
This is very much a hands-on type of book. Don’t just read it. That will be interesting enough, but the power lies in doing the exercises. They are easy to understand, once you’ve gotten used to the idea of the submodalities.
Like a lot of “exercise”, it may feel odd at the beginning. It might seem strange to be doing an exercise in “How to feel Wonderful” or “Changing bad feelings”, but that’s exactly what these exercises are designed to help you do.
It’s well worth getting used to the idea of submodalities right from the start, because you will see them repeated constantly throughout the book. Every exercise focuses on how we see, hear, feel, taste and smell everything in our world. The premise of the book is that the only thing that WE have the power to change is OUR view, OUR belief, OUR behaviour. Trying to change the other person, or the situation we’re in, is like trying to hold back the tide, or trying to change the world to suit our beliefs. But where we do have power is in changing our own view of, and interaction with, the world.
And that is the genius of this book.
It’s like, by learning to understand our own intrinsic language, we are learning to understand all the languages of the universe.
The sections of the book (that are crammed with practical exercises) are:
Getting Over: Bad suggestions; Fears and phobias; Bad memories; Grief; Bad Relationships; & Bad Decisions.
Getting Through: Habits and Compulsions; Recovery; Resignation; Big Events; Tests; & Obligations.
Getting To: Fun; Love; Meet People; Important Duties; Exercise; Be More Organized; Make More Money; & Make Big Decisions.
All this is done using exercises focusing on changing our submodalities, our feelings about events, and our choice of reaction to the events life presents us with. Bandler uses case histories (presumably with name changes) and stories to help us understand the changes in a subtle way. Ever since we were born, we listen to stories - the stories of our parents, our teachers, our friends; the stories of people we admire and want to be like; the stories that help us identify our values; the stories that become our deepest held beliefs. So Bandler is very cleverly using stories to help us access those beliefs and make the changes that are most useful for our lives.
There is also a free CD with some editions of this book (I now own two copies of the book - because firstly I bought the hardback that had no CD, and then I bought the paperback with free CD!). This is to help you access the part of your mind (your subconscious) that is responsible for making the changes at the deepest level. Don’t worry - it’s not hypnotic or trippy! It’s just relaxing and enjoyable. I listened to it in the evening, when I relaxed before bedtime. I found it easy to listen to and it complements the exercises in the book, but you don’t need to use it for the book to be effective.
At the back of the book, there is a Glossary of Terms, a list of Recommended Resources and some information about The Society of Neuro Linguistic Programming.
I love Bandler’s own view of the book:
“The lessons that I have presented in this book are nothing more than lessons in how to manage life. They are lessons in how to manage your thoughts, your feelings and your time, so that life becomes more wonderful. This isn’t a philosophy. This isn’t an ideology. It’s not a religion. It’s just a set of tools to make things easier. The easier you can make it inside your head, the easier it will make things outside your head. It will not only be easier for you but for those around you. It will allow you to live more happily.”
And that’s what this book is - a DIY guide to making your life more happy. Sounds good to me!
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on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 2:02 pm and is filed under Beliefs & Values, Human Behaviour, NLP.
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July 29th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
This sounds like a great book and I like how it seems to be pretty interactive and introspective in that you need to really need to make yourself think and react to the points that he makes. I’ll add this to my reading list!
July 11th, 2010 at 9:34 am
Mietwagen Mallorca…
Man, sounds very interesting! My close friend and I had been arguing about a problem related to this! Now I know that I appeared to be correct. Many thanks for the information you published…….