Graduate
The start of a new year is always a good time for a start of something new. For me, February is the start of my year, since my birthday is in that month. So - even though the calendar year has already started, my year really is just coming to a close. And I’m planning my new one.
Ever since my children were small, I’ve promised myself that - when they were independent - I would go to college. When I was in my teens, and finished second-level school, college was not an option. There were five children in my family, and with college fees being extreme at that time, we all just left school and went job hunting. That is not a complaint, it was just a fact at that time, for me - and I’m sure - for many of you.
But now my children are relatively independent (my son is finishing in second-level school this summer) and it’s time for me to look at that long-held dream of going to college myself.
Of course, now that the dream becomes a possibility, I get terrified. What if they don’t want me? What if they don’t accept me? What if I’m not good enough? What if they reject me?
Here they are, creeping out of the woodwork of my soul - all the commonest fears and anxieties of every person I’ve ever met. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough (in someone else’s eyes). Fear. Fear. Fear.
Since attending the Mature Students Open Evening last week, the idea/dream of college has been on my mind, to some degree, every minute of every day. Yes, it has been unsettling. It’s been especially weird because my son, who is finishing school in June, is also applying to college - but as a school leaver.
So, what are our perspectives? Very different. He is looking out with the naivety of youth. He credits college with being the key to his future. That may be so. But it’s not the only one. I’m looking at it as the possibility to immerse myself in a subject or subjects that I have loved for years, to be able to study them without apology, to discuss them with like-minded people, to argue my point, to learn, to improve.
I can’t help but be struck by the differences in our approaches. As a school leaver, my son relies on the results of his State exams in June. To me that seems relatively simple, since he has to sit the exams anyway. I have to convince an admissions board that, having been out of the “normal” education system for many years, it will be worth their while to award me a place in their college.
My son thinks I have it easy. “All you have to do is write and tell them you want a place. I have to do all these exams!”
My retort is “All you have to do is submit a form, relate your choices to the results of exams you’d be sitting anyway! You don’t have to convince anyone. You don’t have to persuade, cajole, plead or make a case for your offer of a place in college. Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy!!” (as he might have said years ago).
Then I start to think - “What if they turn me down?”.
I confided my fear to my daughter.
“Apply again next year” she said. The wisdom of youth!
Y’know something? She’s right!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:11 am
[...] New Directions in Life | Personal Growth | Life Changes | Personal Development | Life Potential http://www.lifepotential.ie/new-direction – view page – cached A new year is a perfect time for a new direction in life. Personal growth and development is always part of every choice we make in life, whether we r [...]
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by MegaPotential: Looking at new directions for the New Year http://bit.ly/90qgIR...
April 13th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
travel hotels…
Megacool Blog indeed!… if anyone else has anything it would be much appreciated. Great website Enjoy!…