|
|
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
 College, here I come!
Many of you regular readers will notice that you haven’t had anything new to read here in months! It’s confession time for me. I am dealing with my success! Yes, it’s true! I have achieved the latest element in my long term goal of going to college. It’s a goal that has been on my list for many years and now it has come to fruition.
Remember earlier this year, I told you that I was applying to go to college, now that my children are older and more independent? Well, I’ve been accepted into the college of my choice here in Dublin. I am thrilled. I am proud of myself. I’m even a bit gobsmacked that I’ve been accepted (old bad habits die hard!), but I have!
All my time since February has been college related. Not just on my own account, I should say, but this family is just at a college-phase of our existence. My daughter was busy submitting projects, studying for finals and then, in May, sitting her finals. My son was busy planning his college path and making his applications, based on how his exams go (they are ongoing - so fingers crossed) and I have been applying, doing aptitude tests, interviews and then waiting… and waiting … and waiting … until finally I got the letter that said “We are pleased to inform you …”
I’m struck daily by the difference in the way school leavers and mature students approach the idea of college. Firstly, when I was applying, I got a terrible fear of “What if I don’t get a place?” But my daughter, who’s been through it all, said simply “They you’ll apply again next year”. It had felt like a do-or-die issue to me, until she made me see that, while there is a lower age limit for mature students (23 in this case) - there is no upper age limit. I need have no fear that my time was running out!
I wrote a letter accepting the place. I asked my daughter if she thought I had given enough information. She smiled and told me that a school-leaver would have said - “Yes thanks, I’ll take the place” - whereas I said “Thank you for the offer of a place. If you need any more information please contact me at home (number) on my mobile (number) or at this e-mail (address).” And I signed off with “Looking forward to seeing you in September”.
Attitudes on exams also differ. My childrens’ exams give them the feeling that they are somehow being personally judged in their exams, whereas at this stage of my life I see them more as useful benchmarks of progress (or lack of) and I know that - win, lose or draw - life goes on after exams. I am not my work. It is just one expression of who I am.
A friend of mine told me: “Mature students always sit at the front of the class. They really appreciate being there. They want to see and hear everything that goes on.”
I agreed.
She said: “But, sitting at the front, you don’t see the people behind you. When you put your hand up to ask your very interesting question at 12.50pm, you don’t see the murderous looks of your classmates who were watching the minutes till lunchtime ticking slowly by!”
Apparently that’s one of the quickest ways to lose friends in college! So now I know.
I could keep on rambling on here about my college hopes, dreams and realities, but then this blog would never end. All I will say is that from Sept/Oct, I will no longer be actively pursuing my life coaching business.
This blog may continue. Or maybe someone will pay me to blog on the experiences of a mature student? Who know? My future awaits me!
Daria
Tags: achievement, Attitudes, Coaching, Fear, Goals
Posted in Career, Confidence, Life Coaching, Self Development, Self Esteem | 2 Comments »
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
 Graduate
The start of a new year is always a good time for a start of something new. For me, February is the start of my year, since my birthday is in that month. So - even though the calendar year has already started, my year really is just coming to a close. And I’m planning my new one.
Ever since my children were small, I’ve promised myself that - when they were independent - I would go to college. When I was in my teens, and finished second-level school, college was not an option. There were five children in my family, and with college fees being extreme at that time, we all just left school and went job hunting. That is not a complaint, it was just a fact at that time, for me - and I’m sure - for many of you.
But now my children are relatively independent (my son is finishing in second-level school this summer) and it’s time for me to look at that long-held dream of going to college myself.
Of course, now that the dream becomes a possibility, I get terrified. What if they don’t want me? What if they don’t accept me? What if I’m not good enough? What if they reject me?
Here they are, creeping out of the woodwork of my soul - all the commonest fears and anxieties of every person I’ve ever met. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough (in someone else’s eyes). Fear. Fear. Fear.
Since attending the Mature Students Open Evening last week, the idea/dream of college has been on my mind, to some degree, every minute of every day. Yes, it has been unsettling. It’s been especially weird because my son, who is finishing school in June, is also applying to college - but as a school leaver.
So, what are our perspectives? Very different. He is looking out with the naivety of youth. He credits college with being the key to his future. That may be so. But it’s not the only one. I’m looking at it as the possibility to immerse myself in a subject or subjects that I have loved for years, to be able to study them without apology, to discuss them with like-minded people, to argue my point, to learn, to improve.
I can’t help but be struck by the differences in our approaches. As a school leaver, my son relies on the results of his State exams in June. To me that seems relatively simple, since he has to sit the exams anyway. I have to convince an admissions board that, having been out of the “normal” education system for many years, it will be worth their while to award me a place in their college.
My son thinks I have it easy. “All you have to do is write and tell them you want a place. I have to do all these exams!”
My retort is “All you have to do is submit a form, relate your choices to the results of exams you’d be sitting anyway! You don’t have to convince anyone. You don’t have to persuade, cajole, plead or make a case for your offer of a place in college. Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy!!” (as he might have said years ago).
Then I start to think - “What if they turn me down?”.
I confided my fear to my daughter.
“Apply again next year” she said. The wisdom of youth!
Y’know something? She’s right!
Tags: Confidence, Family, Fear, Planning
Posted in Career, Confidence, Family, Motivation | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
There is a lot of fear going round at present about possible unemployment and job cutbacks. It’s alarming because it has brought to the fore an issue that has often been associated with men who lose their jobs late in their careers and realise that they don’t know who they are, apart from their job. This is a very important fact to keep at the front of your mind - you are not your job, you have a job, or do a job. But you are not the job.
We all do it all the time though. We ask “Who is that guy?” and the answer will inevitably be “He’s a plumber/programmer/lawyer/insert-your-job-here”. But that’s not who he is. It’s what he does. Before you had a job - did you exist? Yes. Before you had your current job, did you have another job? Probably. Do you imagine that when you retire you will cease to exist? No. Most likely you are imagining, for your retirement, all the things you’ve wanted to do for years, the places you’ve wanted to go and didn’t have the time off. And now you do.
Think about it. Before you had a job, were you real? Did you have love and happiness, hopes and dreams, fears and upsets? Yes. Did you have people who loved you and cared about you? Yes. Did you have friends who you knew were there for the good times and the bad and that, during the bad times you would need them even more, and they would be there? Yes.
If you are unlucky to have lost your job, or be on reduced hours or income - keep reminding yourself that you are still the same person. You are a person who is loved and cared about. You are a person of worth. You have friends and family that love you, not based on your job, but simply because you are lovable and loved by them. And at difficult times, they will want you to know that even more. Because our common humanity is something that is not dependent on what job you hold, or how much you bring home.
We are all in this together (not in the smarmy, hypocritical way the politicians keep telling us) and there will be times when we need help and times when we will want to help others.
Talk to each other. Even more than usual, when times are hard, communication is essential. Resist the temptation to avoid people because you feel raw and abused by your circumstances. Trust in the understanding of the people you have gathered round you over the years. Friends are not just for the good times. They are for all time.
Tags: Community, Employment, Family, Fear, Friends
Posted in Beliefs & Values, Career, Confidence, Family, Motivation, Self Esteem | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 19th, 2009
I’m sitting waiting for the web designer to phone so that we can finalise the look and feel of my new website and blog. Soon I will be blogging for real, and not just for myself. It’s a bit daunting. After all - someone might read it - and learn something about me that I didn’t realise I had displayed. A friend of mine already reads my newsletters and says that, for her, she finds out more about me by my writing than she does about the articles in the newsletter. Hmmm. So this could just be a public humiliation exercise? Well, I won’t know till I try.
I haven’t told you before, but I joined Toastmasters in September. I really needed to get over my anxiety about speaking in front of a group. I’m fine on the old one-to-one, but I’ve a certain fear of standing up in front of people, being watched, and trying to put words together that sound better than “Hi, I thting’d jdfioej difj enkerjiem mmmmmmmmm.†Bet you didn’t know I knew that language??
I’ve already done Poetmaster once, and am doing it again tonight. I’ve chosen a poem by David Whyte called “Everything is Waiting for Youâ€. You can hear David talking about this poem and reciting it here
Don’t mind about the images, it’s the words and the sound of David Whyte’s voice, reading his own work, that is compelling.
Enjoy.
Tags: Confidence, David Whyte, Fear, Toastmasters
Posted in Creativity, Human Behaviour, Self Development | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
I have just read an article suggesting that a good way to “see ourselves as others see us†is to write about ourselves in the third person. At first I thought …â€hmm schizo†but the author went on to explain that writing about ourselves in the third person takes away that little self-censor that leaps in as soon as we say things to ourselves such as “I think†or “I believe†or “I feel that …†Our little self-censor jumps in to object and add its own little criticism or correction. So - if we speak of ourselves as the third party - that sort of side-steps that self-censoring action.
I’ve decided to give it a try. After all, at the beginning of a new year, what better way to assess the situation than by taking a clear look at who I am.
 Face in the Mirror Daria is a wonderful person. But she is the only one who doesn’t recognise this. She is positive and helpful, compassionate and supportive. She has a great sense of humour, but prefers clever humour to stupidity. The biggest drawback in Daria’s life is the fact that she can’t see. She can’t see how wonderful she is, how good her life is, how she can relax about needing constantly to be proving she is worthwhile. A lot of Daria’s energy goes in thinking up lots of new ways to prove it is worthwhile having her here on the planet. She has reared two wonderful children, who alone could tell her (if she was listening) how much of a “legend†she is.
How would Daria go about helping herself? Get out of her own way.
How would she do that? If she could be convinced that - as she is - without any judgement, validation, questioning at all - she is enough. It is enough. After that everything else is a bonus.
But she is afraid to stop in case that means she is lazy. She is afraid to do too much in case too much is then expected of her. She is afraid of doing too little in case it draws attention to herself. At one and the same time she longs for and dreads acceptance and attention in equal measure. She is afraid of the talents that she has (and they are many), afraid to use them in case they don’t measure up; afraid not to use them because that’s a sin. You can see a lot of her life is based in fear. And so - she is paralysed. Whatever she does it is wrong.
What if she could believe that - whatever she does it is right?
Tags: Beliefs, Criticism, Fear, Self-Doubt
Posted in Beliefs & Values, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
| |
|
|
| |
Enter your email address below and receive our newsletter.
|
|
