Posts Tagged ‘Criticism’

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Mirror Work for Self Development

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
 
 
 
 
Do you ever look in the mirror?  Not to fix your make-up, or to check how gorgeous you still are.  But do you ever look yourself in the eye in order to know yourself better, the way you would look into the eyes of someone you were trying to know better?
 
It can be difficult for us to look at ourselves beyond the superficial, hair and make-up level.  We are used to checking our appearance first of all when we look at ourselves.  We rarely look long enough to make a connection.
 
When you meet someone new, if you want to get to know them better, what do you do?  Look at the floor when they speak to you?  Look up at the sky in the hope of finding a divine answer?  No.  You look into their eyes while they speak.  You attend to what they are saying.  You watch their eyes for the truth in what they are saying.  You look for the confirmation of the words they are saying.
 
We all know when someone lies to us.  As children we were used to the impossibility of telling a lie when someone was looking us straight in the eye.  And how do we demonstrate early signs of falling in love with someone?  We love to spend time looking deeply into their eyes.
 
So why not do it for ourselves?  Probably for both the reasons above.
 
Firstly, if we look ourselves in the eyes and say “I love and accept you” - we will immediately know if we are telling the truth or not.  If we are finding it difficult to say this to ourselves, why?  What are the feelings that come up for you if you say “I love and accept you” to yourself in the mirror?  Do you hear a critical parent or friend telling you you’re not worth it?  Maybe you feel that you are not perfect enough to be loved?  It could be that, in place of judgemental others, you have come to be your own harshest critic.
 
Secondly, looking deeply into our own eyes would mean taking on that critic, or judge or negative voice that we have inside us.  It would mean learning to, or being willing to love and accept ourselves.  That is often very difficult to do.  If we have a (so-far) lifetime of being a certain way (e.g. judged or criticised) it can be scary to change that way of being.  We’re used to it.
 
What would it be like to fall in love with yourself?  How would it be to have that warm, deeply contented glow inside?  And know that we are the reason for it ourselves?  How wonderful would that be?
 

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Posted in Beliefs & Values, Confidence, Self Development | No Comments »

“See ourselves as others see us”

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
I have just read an article suggesting that a good way to “see ourselves as others see us” is to write about ourselves in the third person. At first I thought …”hmm schizo” but the author went on to explain that writing about ourselves in the third person takes away that little self-censor that leaps in as soon as we say things to ourselves such as “I think” or “I believe” or “I feel that …” Our little self-censor jumps in to object and add its own little criticism or correction. So - if we speak of ourselves as the third party - that sort of side-steps that self-censoring action.
 
I’ve decided to give it a try. After all, at the beginning of a new year, what better way to assess the situation than by taking a clear look at who I am.
Face in the Mirror

Face in the Mirror

Daria is a wonderful person. But she is the only one who doesn’t recognise this. She is positive and helpful, compassionate and supportive. She has a great sense of humour, but prefers clever humour to stupidity. The biggest drawback in Daria’s life is the fact that she can’t see. She can’t see how wonderful she is, how good her life is, how she can relax about needing constantly to be proving she is worthwhile. A lot of Daria’s energy goes in thinking up lots of new ways to prove it is worthwhile having her here on the planet. She has reared two wonderful children, who alone could tell her (if she was listening) how much of a “legend” she is.
 
How would Daria go about helping herself? Get out of her own way.
 
How would she do that? If she could be convinced that - as she is - without any judgement, validation, questioning at all - she is enough. It is enough. After that everything else is a bonus.
 
But she is afraid to stop in case that means she is lazy. She is afraid to do too much in case too much is then expected of her. She is afraid of doing too little in case it draws attention to herself. At one and the same time she longs for and dreads acceptance and attention in equal measure. She is afraid of the talents that she has (and they are many), afraid to use them in case they don’t measure up; afraid not to use them because that’s a sin. You can see a lot of her life is based in fear. And so - she is paralysed. Whatever she does it is wrong.
 
What if she could believe that - whatever she does it is right?
 

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Posted in Beliefs & Values, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching, Self Development | No Comments »
 

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