Is it still self development if no one knows? Sounds a bit Zen-like, doesn’t it? Like - “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?” If you’re working on your self development without telling anyone - will they notice?
Thing is - I think - once you are practising self-development sincerely, it won’t be possible for no one to know! If you are developing, of course people are going to know. On yesterdays teleseminar with Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup books, Success Principles etc.) his “homework” to us for the coming month is to do one simple thing, just choose one, and so it every day for the next 30 days, and see what the result.
Obviously he means do something good and positive for yourself and/or others. For instance he has committed to getting a full 8 hours sleep every night, come what may, for the 30 days. Other suggestions might be:
Show gratitude (verbally, e-mail, SMS etc.) to 10 people every day for 30 days
Phone someone you’ve lost touch with, or have been meaning to phone (just one person a day) for 30 days
Tell someone you love - that you love them. This is an obvious and easy one, but I know that lots of us assume that people know we love them. TELL them so, for 30 days
Congratulate/appreciate yourself in some way. Sometimes just pausing and telling ourselves we are worthwhile is enough. Treat yourself to a short walk in the fresh air, a chat with a friend, a 5-minute lie on in bed. Just pick something that means something to you. It doesn’t have to cost anything. It doesn’t have to take long.
Now - back to my original theme. Do you think that, if you were to implement any one of these for 30 days, there would be no noticeable difference in you? Would people notice a change in your behaviour? Might you appear more relaxed if you had had a month of appreciating yourself, your friends, your work colleagues, getting enough rest, any of these things?
I’m betting that everyone close to you, and probably people who didn’t even know you that well, would see a change in your attitude. Because that’s where it would show. You can’t remain lacking in confidence if you are telling yourself every day that you’re worthwhile, and showing that appreciation of yourself in some way. You’ll be seen as the chirpiest person in the office if you’re constantly thanking colleagues when appropriate. And just how much will relationships with all your loved ones improve, if you tell them that you love them, everyday for the next 30 days.
I’m not claiming credit for Jack Canfield’s suggestion, but I do think that it perfectly illustrates what I’ve been getting at here today. I believe that when you embark on any element of self-development, no matter how small an act it might be, the ripple effect can be very powerful.
Change really gets a bad press. Change is set up as being difficult, painful, unpleasant, something none of us wants to do unless we have to. Well anything that’s portrayed that way is going to have a tough job getting any takers!
What if you could see change as a gateway to something better? What if you could see it as the passage to a better, more fulfilling life? Maybe you could see it as your contribution to the miracle that is your dream life?
Sounds too good to be true? Let’s look at some real life situations. Say you’re in a job that you’re a bit fed up with. You’d like a better one, but you don’t take any action to get one. You stay where you are, taking advantage of the drinks on a Friday evening to complain about your job, your boss, your lack of prospects etc. There is no chance of things getting better unless something changes. Realistically, the only thing YOU have control over is yourself.
What can you do? Well, what does lie within your control? You can decide whether to stay or go. You can choose to look for a change of tasks within the job. You could ask for more responsibility, to do more varied and interesting tasks. You might decide that the job pays the bills and you can use it to fund your more interesting hobbies. You could look at what attracted you to that job in the first place and examine what has changed since then (maybe the job has, maybe you have). I’m sure you can think of other possible options in this scenario.
What if you leave things exactly as they are? Do nothing? Wait for “fate” to step in and take the decision away from you? Absolve yourself of all responsibility for your own happiness & fulfillment?
As one of my favourite quotes goes “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got” (W.L. Bateman). So if you keep on doing the nothing that you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting the unsatisfactory job that you’ve always got.
What’s the way out of this puzzle? Accept change. Embrace it. Go out and find it before it finds you. Give yourself to it wholeheartedly. And eventually maybe you’ll even learn to enjoy it?
Hale Dwoskin who teaches The Sedona Method, details the three important questions we have to ask ourselves in relation to feeling bad about anything:
Could I change how I feel about this thing?
Would I change how I feel about it?
When?
The events presented to us in any situation may not be under our control, but our feeling about the events is OURS. Now what are we going to do with it?
Have you heard about Earth Hour? Are you going to participate? Watch this and find out what’s happening in your neighbourhood for Earth Hour. It’s a chance to show our solidarity and commitment to making the planet a better place to live.
If you live here in Ireland check out www.change.ie . Or to find out details of worldwide action, take a look at www.earthhour.org . See what we can do to help our family, our community and our planet.
How many times a day do you hear or read those words? People even say it to each other when they meet. It’s becoming a catchphrase. Now, if you’re reading this, you’re probably a positive thinking person. Maybe you do affirmations, positive visualizations, sending good wishes and thoughts out into the world or universe when you meditate or pray. That’s great. But what are you doing the rest of the time?
You all know the belief that we get what we focus on, right? Well if you are positive thinking at specific times each day, but then meeting your friends or neighbours and doing the “Ain’t if awful” conversation, which are you doing more of? Will your one hour’s meditation swing it against the three hours you moaned with your friends about the economy, the banks, the unemployment etc.? I’m not saying stick your head in the sand and ignore it. It’s real. It’s happening.
But looking only at the bad means that we focus on the bad. And if you believe that you get more of what you focus on … what do you think you’ll get? A pay rise? An offer of a great new job? A big lotto win? I don’t think so.
So, even when things globally look bad, or perhaps even moreso when they look bad, we need to focus on positive things. They are always there. Maybe we have to look harder. For starters, lots of things have actually come down in price. Lots of foodstuffs are cheaper than before the recession. Buying locally can help support your own community. Petrol (depending on where in the world you live) is cheaper than it was (though it’s creeping up again I notice). For some people their mortgages are coming down.
So can we look at the real things please? Have you lost your job? No? Then look out for ways you can support jobs in your neighbourhood. That can be anything from paying a neighbour’s kid to mow your lawn or wash your car to employing local workers to build your house extension. If you still have enough money coming in, try to spend it in your community and support your local economy.
And my favourite - barter! I’m a big fan of exchange. You can exchange goods e.g. why not have a “garage swap” instead of a “garage sale”? If you have a service that you provide, why not exchange it for services others provide? I don’t think there’s any law against it (if you know otherwise, please let me know because I’ll be in big trouble!). It’s a fair exchange of services. No money involved. Just people helping each other out.
And finally, or perhaps it should be first, gratitude. I know you’ll say it’s all Pollyanna-ish, and new-age, but there are always things you can be grateful for. Start with the obvious - if you have good health, be grateful for that. If you’re well enough to have a job in the first place you’re better off than people who were already unemployed and now have little or no hope of work. If you can no longer afford to eat out, be grateful that you have friends that you can arrange dinner parties with. Take turns to have dinner in different houses maybe once a month or so. You may find that your friendships broadens through meeting new people at house parties.
I could devote an entire newsletter to “Things to be grateful for”, but you know the best ones in your own life. If you’d like to share your favourite ones with me, I’ll be delighted.
I was doing an exercise recently, in fact I’m still working on it, about motivation. The exercise was to determine what motivates me. I wracked my brain. I asked myself deep, searching questions. The only thing I could come up with was - that when my family is in a crisis of any sort, small or large, I am motivated like never before. My focus becomes clear. My focus is razor sharp. My senses are like that of an animal hunting, or being hunted. Everything to left and right fades away and only my path becomes clear, focused and definite.
But the exercise required me to mention 5 ways/things that motivate me. I could not think of any others. I did the exercise with a colleague. Still nothing. I was beginning to feel that it was odd that only a negative thing would motivate me so energetically. So I e-mailed a couple of people to ask them what questions I could ask myself to elicit the answers. They both replied in much the same way. They pointed out that I was motivated every day, I just didn’t think about it. Why would I get out of bed in the morning if I wasn’t motivated? Why would I have tried to do the exercise in the first place, if I wasn’t motivated? Why would I eat, read, learn, feed my family & care for them, drive my kids to their classes etc. if I wasn’t motivated?
So I began to see that I was looking for a huge motivating factor. I was looking for what motivates me to make big decisions, or big changes, or take big chances. But, while these occasions for the BIG motivator and BIG response do exist, they are not the nuts and bolts of my everyday living. My ordinary (if any motivator is truly ordinary) motivations are the same as the big one I identified - I love my family. I want to be loved, needed, appreciated, listened to. I want to feel good. That motivates me to do the things that will lead to me feeling good. End of story.
