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Saturday, August 7th, 2010
 I’ve been moving on towards my goal of being a college student in September. Some days I can still hardly believe it. It’s been a long time held goal, but when it started to happen, somehow I wasn’t mentally prepared for it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all been very exciting and I’m loving the ride. I just feel I wasn’t prepared. Maybe that’s always how it is when you start something new. You can do all the planning in the world, but then, one day, you just have to start with the doing. When all the planning, thinking and visualising is over - you still have to do the “doing”.
Visualising positive outcomes is helping me at the moment. When I feel scared or intimidated at the thought of being a student, which is WAY beyond my comfort zone, I spend time day-dreaming the scene…
I’m arriving at the college. I can see the entrance and I’m walking in. Of course (since it’s MY daydream) it’s a beautiful September day. I have a map of the layout of the college, so I use it to find my way to my first lecture. There is a huge variety of people already there when I arrive. Some are mature students like myself. Most are school leavers (like my son). I feel a bit like first day at school - excited but a bit anxious because I don’t know the people yet, or the routine. Still, everybody - no matter what age - is probably feeling the same, so I take the plunge and introduce myself to the first group I meet. After a few short minutes, I am chatting away with a group of students, who are all here to study the same subjects as I am. We already have a common interest, so it makes conversation easy…
Y’see how I do it? I make up words and pictures of how it will be, so that when I get there, it will no longer feel like something new and strange. It will feel more familiar and comfortable. Maybe I’m crazy - but I think it will help!!
Tags: Goals, Motivation, Planning, visualization
Posted in Confidence, Motivation, Self Development | No Comments »
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
 Graduate
The start of a new year is always a good time for a start of something new. For me, February is the start of my year, since my birthday is in that month. So - even though the calendar year has already started, my year really is just coming to a close. And I’m planning my new one.
Ever since my children were small, I’ve promised myself that - when they were independent - I would go to college. When I was in my teens, and finished second-level school, college was not an option. There were five children in my family, and with college fees being extreme at that time, we all just left school and went job hunting. That is not a complaint, it was just a fact at that time, for me - and I’m sure - for many of you.
But now my children are relatively independent (my son is finishing in second-level school this summer) and it’s time for me to look at that long-held dream of going to college myself.
Of course, now that the dream becomes a possibility, I get terrified. What if they don’t want me? What if they don’t accept me? What if I’m not good enough? What if they reject me?
Here they are, creeping out of the woodwork of my soul - all the commonest fears and anxieties of every person I’ve ever met. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough (in someone else’s eyes). Fear. Fear. Fear.
Since attending the Mature Students Open Evening last week, the idea/dream of college has been on my mind, to some degree, every minute of every day. Yes, it has been unsettling. It’s been especially weird because my son, who is finishing school in June, is also applying to college - but as a school leaver.
So, what are our perspectives? Very different. He is looking out with the naivety of youth. He credits college with being the key to his future. That may be so. But it’s not the only one. I’m looking at it as the possibility to immerse myself in a subject or subjects that I have loved for years, to be able to study them without apology, to discuss them with like-minded people, to argue my point, to learn, to improve.
I can’t help but be struck by the differences in our approaches. As a school leaver, my son relies on the results of his State exams in June. To me that seems relatively simple, since he has to sit the exams anyway. I have to convince an admissions board that, having been out of the “normal” education system for many years, it will be worth their while to award me a place in their college.
My son thinks I have it easy. “All you have to do is write and tell them you want a place. I have to do all these exams!”
My retort is “All you have to do is submit a form, relate your choices to the results of exams you’d be sitting anyway! You don’t have to convince anyone. You don’t have to persuade, cajole, plead or make a case for your offer of a place in college. Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy!!” (as he might have said years ago).
Then I start to think - “What if they turn me down?”.
I confided my fear to my daughter.
“Apply again next year” she said. The wisdom of youth!
Y’know something? She’s right!
Tags: Confidence, Family, Fear, Planning
Posted in Career, Confidence, Family, Motivation | 3 Comments »
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
I wish all of my readers a very happy, healthy and joyful new year for 2010. The capacity for joy and happiness exists within all of us.
 Portmarnock Beach
It is like a rich seam of gold that can be ignored and left undetected for years, hidden out of sight. At any time, we can decide to uncover that treasure in all its glory and use it for our own good and that of our neighbours and the world.
I’m looking at what new levels of “treasure-hunting” I can get up to this year. I am freshly accredited with NLP Life Coaching skills from the Irish Institute of NLP, building on my existing six years of coaching and NLP qualifications. I have my website and blog up and running, newsletters going out regularly ( sign up if you want to be included), have completed my first four Toastmasters speeches, got the job of Sgt-at-arms in my local Toastmasters club, have exhibited my art in various local venues with the Portmarnock Art Group, have finished my coaching with the Jack Canfield coaching organisation and have been co-founder of a Skype mastermind group (with members in Spain, Germany, Ireland, and others joining from Switzerland this year, we hope) arising from the Canfield coaching programme.
This all sounds like blowing my own trumpet and - y’know what? - it is! Try it! It’s good for the soul! It took me most of my year with Canfield to learn to acknowledge my achievements, allow myself to take credit for my hard work and just rewards and to learn to plan for more successes in my future.
So I’m recommending that you start your year with a nice long list of all your achievements/successes in 2009. What a great way to head into a new year. And let me remind you that often the things that you take for granted are really successes. For instance, what if you stay at home to care for an elderly or sick relative? You might think - well, I don’t go out to work, so I’m not really achieving anything. Wrong!! You can write down as achievements: caring, nurturing, sharing, nursing, showing love, supporting, helping, organising. You can write down as skills you have: patience, caring, love, willingness to help, interest in others, using your strength to ease others weakness, compassion and understanding.
Start now. Write down lists and lists of achievements, successes. Don’t try to categorise them or rate them. They are all valid. In my personal life I often find that at the end of a day, my greatest success might have been to show understanding and a listening ear to my teenage son, when I might really feel like screaming at him instead! Any of you with kids will know that this is a REAL achievement!!
I’d love to hear how you get on with this. You are my readers, my clients, my supporters. Without you there would be no reason for me to write this. It’s a two way street. If you have something to say, tell me.
For now I leave you with my best wishes again, for your health, happiness and the uncovering of great “seams” of joy in your life for 2010.
Daria
Tags: blogging, Coaching, NLP, Planning, Toastmasters
Posted in Career, Family, Life Coaching, NLP, Self Development | No Comments »
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
 Success
I’m always looking for the easiest way to do anything. If you tell me there is a long-drawn out process or an easy three step approach to doing something, or achieving a particular result - which one appeals to me? That’s right! I’m always going to take the 3-step approach! I don’t think I’m alone in this? I like to think it’s human nature. Perhaps it’s only my nature!
I know there are many of you that feel the same. This is for you. It’s not rocket-science. It’s not limited to those of us involved in life coaching. It’s for everyone. There is nothing difficult or complicated about these steps. But the simplicity is in the doing!
- Step 1: Be very clear on what, exactly, you want to achieve. That sounds like the simplest thing - and it is - but it’s the one that a lot of us overlook in our drive and enthusiasm to get the thing done, or the goal achieved. You need to be as specific as you can possibly be about your goal. For example, you might say “I want to lose weight“. That’s a goal - yes it is. But if you say “I’m going to weigh xxx lbs by 30th November 2009“, then you are setting up the expectation in your own mind and that will be what you’re subconscious will work away on for the weeks in between. It doesn’t mean that all you have to do is set the goal and do no work! It just means that the closer the focus, the easier it is to reach. Think of it like getting directions to somewhere. You stop on the road and ask someone “How do I get to ...?” Now, is it more useful for them to say “It’s about 10 miles away in that direction” or to say “Follow the road here for 8 miles, take a left at the bus station, continue for about 2 miles, past the garage, then it’s the second turn on the right - and there you are“??? I know which directions I’d find more useful!
- Step 2: Take action. Another obvious one. But I can tell you from my own experience that it’s often a lot easier to do all the planning and research than it is to take the action. But very little will happen without the action. It would be like (as in step 1) setting the goal for yourself, but never taking any action about it. If you think, or even plan, to - for example - lose weight, nothing is going to happen if you sit around, eating biscuits and drinking lattes while you PLAN to achieve the weight loss. It won’t happen till you DO SOMETHING about it.
- Step 3: Acknowledge your success. Congratulate yourself every little step of the way. Give yourself all the praise and validation you deserve for every little part of your goal that you achieve. Don’t wait until you reach the big, final goal. It’s too easy to give up before that if you feel disheartened. But if you keep feeling good about all the little triumphs along the way, it will keep you motivated to finish what you started.
That’s it! Three simple steps to achieving your goals. Give it a go. You’ve got nothing to lose (except a few lbs!!).
Tags: Goals, Motivation, Planning
Posted in Life Coaching, Motivation, Self Development | 2 Comments »
Monday, January 12th, 2009
Aaaaagggghhhh! And so the nightmare of year-beginning starts. I began a programme of coaching for myself last year. It’s like a lot of professions, if you’re giving help to others - you have to be getting help yourself. Also, in December I did a five day course to update my own coaching skills. So now, at the start of a new year, I am up to my proverbials in reading lists, blog entries, newsletters for the new website (which will go live soon, I promise), new website etc.
All this at a time of year when I do most of my self-questioning. You can see the problem straight away, can’t you? Eternally self-defeating. And then I can add to that the feeling that if I can’t coach myself to perfection, how can I help anyone else?
Now THERE is the crux of the problem. Perfectionism. I have borrowed a wonderful phrase from one of the Jack Canfield coaches I spoke to - “I’m Daria, and I’m a recovering perfectionistâ€. I love it, because perfectionism is something that is so ingrained that you really do have to tackle it on a day-by-day, minute-by-minute basis. Perfectionism is the worst kind of “ism†because there is no end to it. It pervades every aspect of your life. Nothing is ever “perfect†and especially not yourself. And what is the outcome of all that striving? Just that - more striving. They say that you get what you focus on, and perfectionists don’t focus on perfection (you see how twisted this is?) they focus on Imperfection. They (and by “they†of course I mean “we†or “Iâ€) focus on how we aim for perfection, but miss. So we are focusing on the “missing†instead of the excellent work we have done, the excellent result we have already achieved.
No matter how big a pain in the face we are to you (the rest of the world) we are an even bigger pain in the face to ourselves. So have a little pity, and a boot ready to kick us up the backside when we need to get outside of our own attempts at perfection, and back into the real world where everyone is always doing the best they can.
So the best thing I can do for myself (and perhaps help you) is to share with you something my own coach sent me last year (thanks Sheri):
| Perfection |
VS |
Excellence |
| Perfection is being right |
|
Excellence is willing to be wrong |
| Perfection is fear |
|
Excellence is taking a risk |
| Perfection is anger and frustration |
|
Excellence is powerful |
| Perfection is control |
|
Excellence is spontaneous |
| Perfection is judgement |
|
Excellence is accepting |
| Perfection is taking |
|
Excellence is giving |
| Perfection is doubt |
|
Excellence is confidence |
| Perfection is pressure |
|
Excellence is natural |
| Perfection is destination |
|
Excellence is the journey |
Here’s to the journey - for 2009!
Tags: Coaching, Goal setting, New Year, Planning, Review
Posted in Life Coaching, NLP, Self Development | No Comments »
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I’ve been moving on towards my goal of being a college student in September. Some days I can still hardly believe it. It’s been a long time held goal, but when it started to happen, somehow I wasn’t mentally prepared for it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all been very exciting and I’m loving the ride. I just feel I wasn’t prepared. Maybe that’s always how it is when you start something new. You can do all the planning in the world, but then, one day, you just have to start with the doing. When all the planning, thinking and visualising is over - you still have to do the “doing”.
