This is where the talk stops and the commitment takes over. You see, we could all sit about all day meditating on our best selves, our life purpose, our vision. That’s all very well, and it’s necessary. But at some point we have to put our money where our mouth is. Where are you at present?
Have you dreamed the dream? Have you set the goals? Have you envisioned your future the way you want it? Now - are you ready to take the steps to get yourself there?
I’m sure lots of you are bored to tears with the YouTube video clip of Susan Boyle at the “Britain’s got Talent” show. It’s not a show I watch, but a colleague pointed me at the video clip and I have to say it brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I know some of the acts DO bring tears to the eyes, but Susan was not like that. It just made me feel all tingly that this woman had never given up on her dream and here she was getting the chance to shine.
We all deserve the chance to shine in our own area of genius. What is your unique genius? What is the world waiting to see/hear/learn from you? And have you any right to keep it all to yourself? Get like Susan Boyle and “dream a dream”.
It seems, from responses to the blog and newsletter, that confidence building is high on everyone’s list of priorities. I’m right there with you. I think confidence is something we’re born with, and it grows and diminishes with different events/cycles in our lives. If you’re lucky you’ve had confidence boosting parents and siblings, teachers, church leaders, friends, classmates, colleagues, bosses etc. (you get the picture - the list is endless). So with such a list, I’m guessing most of us have had knocks to our natural confidence.
Inside our heads we all have an idea, or picture, of how we look as confident people. Otherwise we would have nothing to measure our lack of confidence against. When I ask someone to visualise themselves as a confident person and they say they can’t see it - it’s not true! Sounds harsh maybe, and I would not come right out and say “You’re not telling the Truth. You Are Confident!” But pause for a second and listen.
First of all how do you know you lack confidence? Somewhere inside your head you do have a picture of what confidence is, what it means, and how it would feel to be like that. Otherwise you wouldn’t know that you don’t have it. See? To know you’re missing it, you have to know what it is and what it looks/feels/acts like.
That’s a fantastic start. So you DO know what confidence is/feels like/looks like. Great! Now you know what you’re working towards. Maybe you just haven’t connected with it for a long time. It’s time to start.
Listen to what Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, The Success Principles and many more inspiring books) has to say about it. What do you think?
1. Stop doing it to yourself. What do I mean by that? Well, if you’re looking for 5 ways to boost your self-esteem, you must feel that it needs boosting. Which means that, somewhere in your mind, there is a tiny voice telling you you have low self-esteem. This seems like a bit of a catch 22 situation, doesn’t it. But the important thing is to focus on how much self-esteem you already have. Start looking for all the things you have already done brilliantly, succeeded at, achieved. A good way to acknowledge (mainly to yourself) your successes is to journal them. Every night, to wind up your day on a positive note, jot down all the successes you have had during the day. You’re not allowed note the things you didn’t succeed at. Nor are you allowed to look negatively at what you did achieve (i.e. If you walked two miles for your daily exercise, but had hoped to walk farther, your journal should say “I walked two miles as part of my commitment to my increasing good health and fitness” and not “I walked two miles, but really I wanted to walk three but I didn’t have the time …”. How you look at your achievements, both past and ongoing, is a major contributor to your sense of self-esteem.
2. Change your self-talk. As a continuation of part of point 1, start to notice what your inner voice is saying to you most of the time. Is it positive and encouraging, or is it harsh and critical? Most of us have a little critic that lives in our heads telling us constantly when we are not good enough, not measuring up. Change it. I don’t care whether you visualise bright rays of sunlight melting away the critical voice, or whether you imagine the little voice as a person that you then say goodbye to. You created the little voice (I agree you had help from parents, teachers, “friends”, critics of all sorts) over all the years of your life. But if you created it - you can change it. It’s yours. Take charge of it. Turn it around. Make it work FOR you from this moment on.
3. Find someone you admire and copy their attitude. When you want to learn something new, what do you do? If you’re like me, you rush out and buy a book. Good place to start. Read up on the theory. Then when you have covered all the theory, what’s the best thing you can do? Find someone who does it well, and copy what they do. Now, hold on. I don’t mean stalk them! I mean observe them. If it’s someone that you know, ask them. “I really admire the way you seem so confident when you …” (give that speech, make that presentation, whatever). I’d like to talk to you about that because I’d really like to be able to do that in my life (or business, or presentation, or whatever)”. If it’s a famous person, see if they’ve written autobiographies, or books about their particular skills. It’s the next best thing to asking them face to face.
4. Stretch yourself. Take some action that moves you out of your comfort zone. If the zone you’re in is not filled with self-confidence, begin to stretch yourself outside that zone to increase the amount of self-esteem you have. It may be scary, uncomfortable and unnerving. That’s ok. That feeling will pass as soon as this new area becomes familiar to you. Everywhere is going to seem new at first. Try to think of it as an exciting new place to go. Think of it as a great new holiday destination. You haven’t been there before, but you know people who have and you just know it’s going to be great!
5.Surround yourself with confident people. Get yourself involved with people who have the type of self-confidence that you want for yourself. You will find that you will raise your expectation for yourself. It will seem more normal to you to have a higher level of self-esteem. Think of the opposite. Is it going to help you to hang around with other people who need to build their confidence? No. Because you’re not going to see it, how are you going to learn it? See it. Do it. Be it. And at every step of the way, do like in step 1. keep track of all the successes you have as you progress towards unshakeable self-esteem.
Let’s stop pretending. Of all the things going on in the economy, the world banks, the welfare systems of many countries, unemployment, lay-offs etc. let’s just stop pretending. People are going round speaking in whispers about “the R word”, as if we daren’t say the word RECESSION. Stop it people! This is like not saying the name of a disease in case you might catch it just by speaking about it. It’s not going to happen. You are not going to lose your job because you talk about the jobs situation where you are. You are not going to keep your job just because you never said the R word. It’s real, it’s here and it’s here for a while. So let’s stop pretending it isn’t, or that whispering about it will make it go away.
Another I’d really like is that - if you have notbeen affected by unemployment, or your pension going up the swanee, or the bank going boom with all your savings - I’d really like it if you would stop pretending that the recession is hurting you. Stop being embarrassed by having a good job, that pays you well, and gives you enough money to continue to enjoy the good things. You’ve worked for it. Enjoy it! Don’t buy into the drama of everyone having to suffer together. I don’t mean you should gloat about your good fortune. But you should be grateful for it and acknowledge it.
What you can do is to continue to spend as you would have before. Support your locality by shopping in your local stores, use local tradespeople when you need jobs done, go to your local theatre, cinema, clubs etc. Keep the economy moving as much as you can. Keep employment going by paying fair wages to staff. Keep morale high by not buying into the “ain’t it awful” brigade. Don’t join them. It will not help anyone.
Let’s look at what we can do, that might be useful. How about volunteerism? Why not look at volunteering in your neighbourhood. You’ll find some activity that will suit your time and your nature, while serving the needs of your community. It might be helping out with a local sports team, coaching, doing meals-on-wheels, being a driver for a day-care centre, collecting, fund-raising. There is a huge range of things going on right now, in your own neighbourhood, that you can help with. It’ll be good for your self-esteem, good for your self-development and great for your community. How satisfying is that going to be?
