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Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
 Marketing
I’m a person who likes to be useful, to be needed. In my own family I would feel positively unloved if I thought my parents, siblings, children, even nieces and nephews - couldn’t rely on me for support and comfort. I don’t quite hijack people in order to help them, but sometimes it comes close!
It’s no surprise then that I’m involved in an area of work that requires me to be of help and support to people. However, as in my personal life, I do draw the line at hijacking people in order to help them.
I was talking to a fellow Toastmaster recently who didn’t know a lot about life coaching, but knew it was becoming a bit of a buzz word. She asked me if I thought she needed coaching. When I asked her how her life was, she said it was fine. She is a wonderfully positive, kind, generous, organised and generally (it seems to me) a very happy woman. I said “What on earth would you need a life coach for?”
It got me thinking about my profession, life coaching. There is a danger out there that people are being encouraged to believe that their lives are unfulfilled, that there is something missing, that they’re not achieving what they might. In order to “sell” the idea of life coaching, there is a more hardline approach of selling the idea that people need it. Clearly this is true in many cases, but certainly not all.
In my line of work, my aim is for my clients NOT to need me! That is the goal of my life coaching. I want them to see that they have control of, and responsibility for, their own lives and choices. I applaud the client who contacts me for coaching when they are in a phase where they need (or would benefit from) a coach; when they want a non-judgemental, supportive person who can question, coax, comfort and challenge them through that phase. I’m delighted when it becomes obvious to both of us that they no longer require regular sessions.
I would not be helping them, or my profession, if I were to hang on to them as a client simply to be my meal ticket. Or if I had attracted them in the first place by convincing my customers that their lives were unfulfilled, just so that I could help them to fulfill imaginary gaps in their lives.
I suggest that people consider life coaching as they would any other trade or profession. When you need a plumber, you call a plumber. When your pipes are fixed, you don’t keep arranging to meet the plumber. When you need a lawyer, you hire one. When your legal requirement is dealt with, you say “Thanks very much” and “Goodbye”. I realise that, even in these professions, there are doomsayers who would try to convince you that you do need more lagging for your pipes, more insulation, to sue your neighbour, to claim against the council etc. You can’t stop this type of marketing, but you can be aware of it.
Immediately I have to step in on my own conversation at this point and declare that I know that most coaches (and other professionals) do not do this. However, you will all be aware of the growing number of ads, e-mails, flyers etc. that try to convince the reader that there is something wrong with the way they are right now. That may not be the case. There is much you can do to help yourself. There are books, CDs, DVDs, free workshops and webinars, all of which can help you “self-coach” (which is something we do every day of our lives, I believe).
Then if, or when, you feel you need an ally, a support, a life coach - that’s the time to investigate who suits you and what programme will help you.
Sorry for having a bit of a rant, but it’s something I feel strongly about in my work. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Tags: Coaching, Goals, Marketing, Toastmasters
Posted in Business Coaching, Human Behaviour, Life Coaching | 1 Comment »
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
I wish all of my readers a very happy, healthy and joyful new year for 2010. The capacity for joy and happiness exists within all of us.
 Portmarnock Beach
It is like a rich seam of gold that can be ignored and left undetected for years, hidden out of sight. At any time, we can decide to uncover that treasure in all its glory and use it for our own good and that of our neighbours and the world.
I’m looking at what new levels of “treasure-hunting” I can get up to this year. I am freshly accredited with NLP Life Coaching skills from the Irish Institute of NLP, building on my existing six years of coaching and NLP qualifications. I have my website and blog up and running, newsletters going out regularly ( sign up if you want to be included), have completed my first four Toastmasters speeches, got the job of Sgt-at-arms in my local Toastmasters club, have exhibited my art in various local venues with the Portmarnock Art Group, have finished my coaching with the Jack Canfield coaching organisation and have been co-founder of a Skype mastermind group (with members in Spain, Germany, Ireland, and others joining from Switzerland this year, we hope) arising from the Canfield coaching programme.
This all sounds like blowing my own trumpet and - y’know what? - it is! Try it! It’s good for the soul! It took me most of my year with Canfield to learn to acknowledge my achievements, allow myself to take credit for my hard work and just rewards and to learn to plan for more successes in my future.
So I’m recommending that you start your year with a nice long list of all your achievements/successes in 2009. What a great way to head into a new year. And let me remind you that often the things that you take for granted are really successes. For instance, what if you stay at home to care for an elderly or sick relative? You might think - well, I don’t go out to work, so I’m not really achieving anything. Wrong!! You can write down as achievements: caring, nurturing, sharing, nursing, showing love, supporting, helping, organising. You can write down as skills you have: patience, caring, love, willingness to help, interest in others, using your strength to ease others weakness, compassion and understanding.
Start now. Write down lists and lists of achievements, successes. Don’t try to categorise them or rate them. They are all valid. In my personal life I often find that at the end of a day, my greatest success might have been to show understanding and a listening ear to my teenage son, when I might really feel like screaming at him instead! Any of you with kids will know that this is a REAL achievement!!
I’d love to hear how you get on with this. You are my readers, my clients, my supporters. Without you there would be no reason for me to write this. It’s a two way street. If you have something to say, tell me.
For now I leave you with my best wishes again, for your health, happiness and the uncovering of great “seams” of joy in your life for 2010.
Daria
Tags: blogging, Coaching, NLP, Planning, Toastmasters
Posted in Career, Family, Life Coaching, NLP, Self Development | No Comments »
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
I’m delighted to have my Ice Breaker speech over with. Because the weather here was bad (good night for an ice-breaker! Ha! Ha!), there was only a small number of members at the Toastmasters club. But - for me - it didn’t matter how few or how many, the challenge was to stand up in front of the group and make my first speech. It can be 5-7 minutes long and the subject is usually - yourself.
So I spoke about being the middle child in my family, and how that impacted on me as a child. I was trying to give out a bit of information about myself, but without getting into boring details. So I tried to make it like a bit of a story. I was very nervous sitting waiting for my turn to get up to the lectern, and was glad when it came to my turn to speak. Also, in our Toastmasters club (perhaps it’s standard throughout the organisation?) the lower stages of speeches are made first. That way I didn’t have to stand up to speak after a more advanced speaker, which was just as well since the following speakers were really good. That’ll be me someday.
If you’re wondering how to improve your self-confidence, or your ability to face a group and speak, I can’t recommend anything better than Toastmasters. It is supportive, positive, educational and there is a wealth of experienced speakers to draw on for advice and guidance. Stop putting it off. Go do it!
Tags: Confidence, Self Development, Toastmasters
Posted in Business Coaching, Career, Confidence, Self Development | No Comments »
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
The time has come. Tonight I make my Toastmaster’s Ice-Breaker speech. That means it will be the first speech I make at my Toastmasters club, since I joined last September. With the weather looking none too good, it may be a very small audience to hear it!
I joined Toastmasters after hearing about it yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrrrss ago from a friend of mine. She joined way back in 19?? and recommended it to me then. It always sounded like a good idea, but I constantly have a list of things that I think are a good idea. It doesn’t mean I will necessarily get around to any or all of them… ever! But this one finally came to pass because I decided it was high time I got over my anxiety about standing up in front of groups of people and speaking to them. I’m great at the one-to-one, but have some difficulties translating that into speaking to groups.
Also, last year, when I started the Jack Canfield Success Principles coaching, my breakthrough goal was/is to increase my self-belief and confidence. The breakthrough goal is defined as the one goal that, if you achieve it, it will have a huge impact on every other goal you have or set. For me, increasing my belief in my own skill, abilities, learning and intuition was what I identified as the biggest breakthrough I could make.
As part of that, it came back to my mind that my friend had recommended Toastmasters to me years ago. I thought it was a good place to start, since its whole focus is standing up and making speeches in front of people. My experience so far has been very positive and it already benefitting me and helping me towards my goal.
The atmosphere at Toastmasters is one of welcome and support. From the moment I attended my first meeting I was greeted warmly and given lots of information about the group and its work. Members were friendly and I was never left to feel isolated or on-the-fringe. I found the evening very inclusive, but I was assured that guests were not called on to speak, but could answer topics if they felt the urge. I didn’t! But within a couple of months I was asked if I would like to do Poet Master (which is to select a poem and to read it at a Toastmasters meeting, and to say a few words about the poet and why I chose the poem.
The support and goodwill at meetings is such that I found myself agreeing, and even looking forward to it. I have since done Poet Master again, and tonight I will do my Ice-Breaker speech. Wish me luck!
Tags: Beliefs, Coaching, Confidence, Goals, Toastmasters
Posted in Career, Confidence, Motivation, Self Development | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 19th, 2009
I’m sitting waiting for the web designer to phone so that we can finalise the look and feel of my new website and blog. Soon I will be blogging for real, and not just for myself. It’s a bit daunting. After all - someone might read it - and learn something about me that I didn’t realise I had displayed. A friend of mine already reads my newsletters and says that, for her, she finds out more about me by my writing than she does about the articles in the newsletter. Hmmm. So this could just be a public humiliation exercise? Well, I won’t know till I try.
I haven’t told you before, but I joined Toastmasters in September. I really needed to get over my anxiety about speaking in front of a group. I’m fine on the old one-to-one, but I’ve a certain fear of standing up in front of people, being watched, and trying to put words together that sound better than “Hi, I thting’d jdfioej difj enkerjiem mmmmmmmmm.†Bet you didn’t know I knew that language??
I’ve already done Poetmaster once, and am doing it again tonight. I’ve chosen a poem by David Whyte called “Everything is Waiting for Youâ€. You can hear David talking about this poem and reciting it here
Don’t mind about the images, it’s the words and the sound of David Whyte’s voice, reading his own work, that is compelling.
Enjoy.
Tags: Confidence, David Whyte, Fear, Toastmasters
Posted in Creativity, Human Behaviour, Self Development | No Comments »
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